FUNNY STUFF......

"http://www.youtube.com/v/efRGjRMwagA&hl=en_US&fs=1"

an exercise in malicious compliance

http://blogs.catster.com/the-cats-meow-a-cat-and-kitten-blog/lost-cat-email-exchange-an-exercise-in-malicious-compliance/2010/06/24/

an exercise in malicious compliance

http://blogs.catster.com/the-cats-meow-a-cat-and-kitten-blog/lost-cat-email-exchange-an-exercise-in-malicious-compliance/2010/06/24/

 

How do they circumsize the whales at Seaworld?
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four skin divers.

I have not been out in awhile [ lotsa Mexico diving though!]
As I was living vicariously on the internet wishing I was out there with you guys....I found this on Spearboard.com and just had to steal it.

When preparation meets opportunity ...one does not always get lucky.

 I should save this until the fishing really sucks but that won't happen for awhile and I just gotta put it out there now.
 Enjoy...
 It had the office staff LMAO on the floor!
 Steve

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http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/81057766/

A husband was thinking of a birthday present to give to his wife.
As he drove by a local airport he saw a billboard advertising a "thrill of a lifetime" plane ride.
excited that his wife would enjoy an acrobatic plane ride for her birthday he went to the hangar and talked to the pilot about the cost of the flight. 
The pilot said the flight was going to cost him $500.  The husband said that that was more than he could afford and he began to haggle to get the price lowered.  The pilot lowered the cost 50% to $250 but the husband kept haggling.  Frustrated, the pilot said that if the wife and husband kept quiet throughout the flight and not scream or make the slightest sound the plane ride would be free.
The husband drives home and tells the wife about the flight and deal he made and the condition for the free flight.
The next day they take off with the pilot and the first stunt was an inverted flyby over the tower...No Sound from the Back......the second stunt was a loop the loop....still no sound from the back...third stunt was a corkscrew and still no sound from the back....
Finally the pilots lands the plane and congratulated the husband for not making any sound and getting the free flight.  The husband replied " I came that close to screaming when my wife fell out off the plane on the first stunt"

JOKE OF THE DAY !
Why do  Sharks swim circles around you before attacking?
   
                         
 
Two great  white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken  ship. 
"Follow me, son."  the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of  people.
 
"First we  swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And  they did.
             
"Well  done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
                             
"Now we  eat everybody." And they did.
 
When they  were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them  all at first?
 
Why did we  swim around and around them?
 
His wise  father replied,

"Because they taste better without the shit inside!"

JOKE OF THE DAY !
Why do  Sharks swim circles around you before attacking?
   
                         
 
Two great  white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken  ship. 
"Follow me, son."  the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of  people.
 
"First we  swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And  they did.
             
"Well  done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
                             
"Now we  eat everybody." And they did.
 
When they  were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them  all at first?
 
Why did we  swim around and around them?
 
His wise  father replied,

"Because they taste better without the shit inside!"

... Good one Matt!

George Lopez does Scarface

http://biggeekdad.com/2010/06/old-rock-stars/

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/81057766/

That was hilarious ...

Shark Attack
-------------------------

Why do Sharks circle you before attacking?

Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people .


"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did .


"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did .

"Now we eat everybody." And they did .

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"


His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the sh*t inside!"
 
 

Andy was out shopping when he meets his friend Jim outside the jewelers. Andy notices that Jim has a small gift-wrapped box in his hand.

"So what have you just purchased Jim?" Andy asks.
"Well, now that you’ve asked," replies Jim, "it’s my wife's birthday tomorrow and when I asked her this morning what she wanted for her birthday she said, ‘Oh, I don't know, dear, just give me something with a lot of diamonds in it.'"

"So what did you get her?" Andy asks.
Jim replies, smiling, "I bought her a pack of cards."

Airline announcements

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight safety lecture and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: -

    * On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
   
    * "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

    * After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

    * From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

    * "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
   
    * "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
   
    * Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
 
    * Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

    * An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

    * After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

    * Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
 
    * A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"