FUNNY STUFF......

 

That's funny stuff Al, thanks for sharing.

  Awesome, Al!

 

Saw on FB don't know why it reminded me of Mooch maybe that apron he used to wear that Andy sleeps with now.

Arm, Leg, Soul, Kids. Price of gas. by Boyce Duprey, on Flickr

Photo taken by me at an actual Paint Store in Capitola?

The local weather forecast.

Women are simply invincible.....just like zombies 

Now why can't this be taught in grade school? - it's closer to the truth than the parody suggests.


Subject: You decide.
 
For those that don't know about
history... Here is a condensed version:


Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountainsduringthe summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beerand the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals 
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it
required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor
aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sittingaround waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.

That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking
and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer.
This was the beginning of what is
known as the Conservative movement...

Other men who were weaker
and less skilled at hunting learned
to live off the conservatives by
showing up for the nightly BBQ's
and doing the sewing,
fetching, and hair dressing.
This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became
known as girlie-men. Some note worthy liberal achievements include
the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democraticvoting to decide
how to divide the meat and
beer that conservatives
provided

Over the years conservatives came
to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth,
the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass for
obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer
(with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled
water. They eat raw fish
but like their beef well done. Sushi,
tofu, and French food are standard
liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamersin Hollywood and
group therapists are liberals.
Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't
fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer,mostly Bud or Miller. They
eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big
game hunters, rodeo cowboys,lumberjacks,
construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes,members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America .. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.

And there you have it. Let your
next action reveal your true self.....
I'm going to have another beer.

DaveW, this one's for you....

Found this street in Livermore.

So I had to share this one with ya'll. My mother called me at work yesterday, I could hear the concern in her voice.
"Joey I think your father has gone off the deep end" "what do you mean" I asked, "I'm looking out the kitchen window, its raining cats and dogs and you father is sitting in his kayak wetsuit, paddle jacket, pfd and all", "weird, don't worry Ma, he's probably just excited for rockfish or salmon opener, probably just dialing in the rigging on his boat", "No Joey, he's got a squeaky toy tied to his line and he's catching the dogs." I thought to myself "why didn't I think of that, my pitbull probably fights like a big albacore.", "Thats not crazy mom, that's genius!", "NO JOEY, he's got his gaff too", "OHH thats not good", "what do I do", "Call the dogs inside or go pretend to be DFG and make sure the yorkie is legal length", "shit, keep the dogs away, I'll get him up to the delta next weekend for some stripers", "alright, Love ya hun" , "mkay love ya ma"