FUNNY STUFF......

check this one out talk about a mind trip !!!!
http://www.wimp.com/mirrorprank/

 
Dead Cow


First-year students at Texas A&M Vet school were attending their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body".  For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.


The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation.  I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.  Now learn to pay attention.  Life's tough, but it's even tougher if you're stupid.."

he Red Corvette
>
> A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Red
> Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
>
> Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph,
> enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
>
> "Amazing!" he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing
> the pedal to the metal even more.
>
> Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway
> patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
>
> "I can get away from him. No problem!" Thought the
> elderly gent as he floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120 mph.
>
> Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm
> too old for this nonsense!"
>
> He then pulled over to the side of the road and
> waited for the Trooper to catch up.
>
> Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the
> driver's side of the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my
> shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a
> reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
>
> The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with aFlorida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
>
> "Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1B4AZI

An  Arizona couple, both well  into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's
office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you? The man says, 'Will you watch us
have sexual  intercourse?'

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an  elderly
couple is asking for sexual advice  that he agrees.

When the couple  finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely  nothing
wrong with the way you have  intercourse..'

He  thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50
and he says good bye.

The next week, the same couple  returns and asks the sex therapist to watch
again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but  agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row

The couple makes an appointment, has  intercourse with no problems, pays the
doctor,  then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of  this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I
have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'

The man says, 'We're not  trying to find out anything.

She's married; so we can't go to her house.

I'm married; and we can't go  to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges  $98.

The Hilton charges $139.

We do it here for $50, and Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of
$7.

A lady walks into Tiffany's. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.  As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farted. 
   
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a sales person wasn't anywhere near. 
   
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Good looking as well. 
 
Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's, he politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?' 
 
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?' 
   
He answers, "Madam...if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit when I tell you the price." 

A woman had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As she sat down, a man

came along and asked  her if anyone is sitting in the seat next to her.

"No," she said,   "the seat is empty."



"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their  right mind would

have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and

not use it?"



Somberly, the woman  says, "Well... the seat actually belongs to me. I

was supposed to come here with my husband, but he passed away. This is the first

Super Bowl we have not been to together since we got married in 1967."



"Oh I'm sorry to hear that, that's terrible. But couldn't you find

someone else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The woman shakes her

head, "No, they're all at the funeral."

News from NASCAR


Jeff Gordon Fires Pit Crew.

AP Wire- Raleigh , NC
  
Jeff Gordon announced today that he was firing his entire pit crew. This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of President Obama's scheme to employ Harlem youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with thousands of dollars’ worth of high tech equipment.
  
It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's management team, as many races are won or lost in the pits.
 
However, Gordon got more than he bargained for. At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 9 seconds they had changed the paint scheme, altered the VIN number, and sold the car to Dale Earnhardt Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.

Need some help with your WAF?  Try this!

The Ultimate Kayak Cart. Looks sturdy enough. Storage might be a problem.