Advice from the Dads.

It all changes once you get married...I have been married once, a buncha times, I know what I am talking about. Tax bennies are not that great, the kid is better. I think you are doing fine. 

Great thread.  Parenting is easy in hindsight.  The first year of of your first kid is a lot of change for you and your wife.  Neither of you has a much freedom anymore - personal time becomes a trade: you get some, she gets some.  After the first one, you realize how hard they are to break.

When your kids reach an age when they can hold a rod and reel, make sure you take them fishing!  I took mine at 4 & 2 to a pay pond to get them good and infected with the fishing bug.  We were in Singapore at the time so they caught redtailed catfish and pacu that were probably 3+ pounds every 5 min. Not bad for kids who weighed 30-40 pounds.

They've both been on party boats now (the Stagnaros from Santa Cruz has a kid-friendly trip), caught trout while camping, and my 6 yo son became a good enough swimmer that he now has his own wetsuit, splash jacket, and pfd and gets to sit on the back of my revolution when I go out at HMB.  24" ling on his first trip out.

Next step is to pick up another kayak, probably a tandem, so I can take the entire family out at once.  The family that fishes together...

Wow, this has become a great thread.  Where to start?  Well, like you, I grew up without a dad, and not surprisingly, I started off wondering about how to be a successful dad just like you, and just like you, I wanted more than anything to do a better job than my dad did -- I didn't want my kid to grow up with that kind of hole in his/her life.  The instant I become a dad, I KNEW the whole reason for my existence was to be a dad.  It is the most awesome experience of all, period.

You're off to a great start simply by virtue of asking this question as you've done.  Directly or indirectly, your parents, yep even that dad of yours, helped you learn that it's a good idea to ask questions if you don't know something yourself.  None of us is born knowing everything, so take advantage of our great, human communication and social skills, just like you've done!

It is really heartwarming to see that every single reply here has been rich in very good, thoughtful ideas and experiences.  It's cool to realize that we are very different individuals, with often very different views of the universe, religion, politics, etc. (these are the biggies that seem to get peeps butting heads), yet when it comes down to the most basic thing in our lives, procreation, we all get it!  It's a good idea to absorb ALL of this, as it is this collective knowledge that is hugely greater than any of its pieces.

Here are my thoughts:

• Kids do not come w/ an owner's manual, so you are going to have to figure it out as you go.  Some of it you'll do a great job with, and some of it you'll screw up.  That's okay as long as you follow #2 below.
• It's all about love.  Real, caring love is key, because kids are smart, smart, smart, they see through bullshit.  Love and lots of attention is what they crave.
• Follow the Golden Rule w/ your partner and with your kid, and you'll make it through the tough times.  Know deep down inside that while fishing is your fun pastime, your people have similar needs that are fair and need to be answered too.  Fair is fair, and it really does feel great giving things like freedom and opportunities to those we love and care about.
• Your mission as a dad is to raise a happy, kind, loving, successful young person, and to guide them into adulthood so they can help improve the world.  The goal is not to be a best friend, but to be a best parent.  If you are fair, kind, loving, and patient, then you will probably be best friends.
• Kids learn best by example and then by doing.  Careful with this one, pay attention to #4.
• This is huge:  Our kids want more than anything to have us respect and admire them.  They want to impress us, but remember #2, so they want genuine praise, and that means it is okay to use gentle negative criticism, but the balance of criticism really needs to be mostly positive.  #7 goes along with this.
• Huge: Young people are "works in progress." Kids are mostly genuine, honest people, so when they screw up that's usually because they didn't understand something or they just screwed up, it's not because they are stupid or malicious or they didn't try.  They really, really, really want to do things right because they know that that's what we want.  Be forgiving and patient.  When my 16 yr old son screws up, I try really hard to help him figure out a way to do things better, to redeem himself in my eyes.  We still practice the idea that "tomorrow is a new day" which means that even though the problems and consequences might be lingering, all is forgiven between us as people and we start the new day fresh, this gives us both hope and the pain and frustrations have a natural escape.  Yes, I've needed to ask his forgiveness for my parenting screw ups. 
• Following on #7:  "3 strikes and you're out" only exists in baseball.  If it takes 8 tries to get it right, that's pretty quick, no kidding.  Shoot, I need that many tries a lot of time, especially when it comes to fishing.
• Day by day, each kid develops their own identity that has a lot to do with their parents' identities, but they REALLY need to have their own identity that they've created themselves.  I definitely don't want a clone of me, HA!
• Last, but not least, HAVE FUN on this great ride!  I think it's important to learn to laugh too.

Hope this isn't too long, but once I started thinking about it....

Gongrats!!!  Theres some great stuff here from some wise men.


I often wonder if I am dong Henry right as he lives in 2 houses with totally different rules and experiences from week to week ( he is with his mom from Monday evening through the week to Monday morning and with Amy and I the following week the same and so on).


I spend as much time with him as possible and try to be patient and firm, explaining to him I love him and why I expect what I do from him (he's 4 so its tough on him sometimes) and I just hope he gets it as he grows older.


What I do know is that we went camping again last weekend with kayaking and playing in a creek and looking at plants and bugs and dirt and climbing in the sierra and 4x4ing and roasting marshmallows and having a great time.  Then this morning I dropped him off at his new school and even though he has been going to "school" for 2 years, he clung like a baby monkey while I played with his new calssmates and talked to his teacher for half an hour before finally letting go and playing as I slipped out.  Its the most bittersweet moment I've had in a long time, proud of him, proud that he loves me so much and kinda sad to see him really start to grow up...


Seize this moment and everyone that follows, they will be amazing, fun, hard, frustrating, angering, beautiful, sweet and everything you never knew you could feel all at once.


Its the best!


BTW, you will also know yours is the best ever, I'm sure Henry is


2c
Jim

First of all, congratulations!  Lots of good advice here.  Here is my version.

You will find it that time goes by very fast, even though at times it seems like it wasn't moving at all.  Show love to mom and help (don't even ask, just do it), she will love you back. 

For me, fishing was a rare occasion during the first year (not because I don't want to, but because there were plenty of things to do).  For a lot of new parents, the 1st year & 1st kid is the toughest year, it requires a lot of life adjustments, especially if your kid doesn't sleep well through the night.  However, enjoy being with your kid, you will never gain that time back. 

Once you pass the first year, you will experience a whole new ball game, the kid starts to learn.  Keep in mind, they start with a blank canvas and basically clueless, but can be loud at times.  So listen to them.  You've got to master the art of being patience and talking things out with your kid, it will go a long way. 

Be patient, fishing will come back and soon enough you will have a student that worship you.  Yes, I do sneak in some fishing time without permission, but I try to keep it reasonable so I can go back to the family with a little re-charge.

Good luck, bro!  Things will change for sure, but it's up to you to find the right balance for both fishing and/or family time.  It can be done for sure!

This is a great thread. Thanks to everyone who shared their experiences and two cents.

And guess what? The little dude is on his way. We checked into the hospital about an hour ago.

Here's to the coming adventure.

congrats, git'r done!

This is a great thread. Thanks to everyone who shared their experiences and two cents.

And guess what? The little dude is on his way. We checked into the hospital about an hour ago.

Here's to the coming adventure.

I don't know you but I'm praying that this new moment in life(birth) goes safely and that your relationship with your sweetheart grows miraculously well

Best of luck Daddy!

lol, you want a good laugh....read this.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/global/2016/aug/14/why-be-a-man-is-a-dangerousdx-phrase?client=ms-android-hms-tmobile-us

Don't ever tell your boy to be a man, apparently he'll grow up to be a depressed, narcotic dependant, violent criminal. As told by Maria Shriver and Gavin Newsoms old lady......ironically, if someone had taught their husbands how to be better men they  wouldnt have been out banging other chicks.  You can't make this stuff up. 

Great thread BTW!

Everyone raises their kids their own way. But we as watermen have an important responsibility to our families.

With all of the water sports enthusiasm we all share and want to share with our little ones it's prudent to teach them water safety.
Our hobbies place us and our kids in the "drink" often so learning safety and swimming is paramount.

My wife and I love the water, kayaking, and me kayak fishing, so our kid, as far as we were concerned was going to have to be as water safe as possible. This means learning to swim and wearing PFD's when on kayaks, or any vessel for that matter.

Make learning water safety a family thing and you'll never regret spending that time with the kiddos.

now for a gratuitous vid of our 7 yr old, a couple of weeks ago at the pool, youngest kid on her team - she is in the red suit/green cap.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo92kpZ6iEQ&feature=youtu.be

Congrats again, I hope you and your lady are holding him now or soon at least


I found the first 8 or 9 months the hardest, this book really helped, the techniques in here kept Henry calm and happy
https://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Baby-Block-Harvey-Karp/dp/0553381466

I know this is like fast forwarding ahead but a lot of moms and dads know that time flies when raising your kids. I shared this to Logan via PM.

I hope some of you will find this useful as you raise your children. My wife had me finally write this story down because she kept telling her friends about what I'm about to tell you.

-----------
My wife and I have two daughters.
Justine (my eldest daughter) was in 6th Grade when she and her classmates (mostly first born Filipinas, first generation Filipino Americans born to 30-40-something immigrant parents) decided to ask -- not, shock-- their parents by asking when they can have boyfriends. Later on, we found out that all parents responded with the standard, "No boyfriends, not until you're thirty!" Or, "not until you're married!", "not till you're 18 (or 21)", etc....ALL, except us.
“Mom, when can I have a boyfriend?” My wife told her to go ask me this question. So Justine came to me with the same question. “Dad, when can I have a boyfriend?”

My wife and I were both present to answer the question together.
But I came up with this response, not exactly sure how I even came up with the answer, "It's not a question of when... You can have a boyfriend tomorrow, if you want to! As long as we feel that we trust you, you trust us, you have introduced him to us, and that you trust yourself with the responsibility of having a boyfriend." I went on.....
"Trust: you have built and keep trusting relationships, most importantly with us. We would like to think that you trust us enough to meet this guy before becoming his girlfriend, and in the same manner, he can build trust with us.
Responsibility: having a boyfriend comes with its responsibilities. It is a choice that only you can make. The one power you have is the power of choice; you can choose to hand off that power to someone else (example, everyone has a boyfriend, so I should have one too), but then you also bear the responsibility of that choice. Just like smoking or drugs, having a relationship comes with its consequences, as a result of your choice. While we cannot control your choice, know that you are responsible for the consequences, and hopefully you learn and grow from these choices.
Communication: ultimately, we build trust by communicating, openly, and honestly. We have been open and honest with you, and we expect the same from you and your sister.
We respect your ability to decide for yourself, knowing fully well we expect that you to handle the responsibility of those decisions."

That was my "answer".

---------------

I’m just happy that both girls had always introduced their first boyfriends, before they went steady. Until today they (now 21 and 25) both still introduce their boyfriends as soon as they can and sometimes even confides to me about their relationship issues.
As a dad, I can’t ask for more…..

-----
Ok, so it's not related to fishing while raising your family.....

Congratulations to the new baby, Logan.

I know this is like fast forwarding ahead but a lot of moms and dads know that time flies when raising your kids. I shared this to Logan via PM.

I hope some of you will find this useful as you raise your children. My wife had me finally write this story down because she kept telling her friends about what I'm about to tell you.

-----------
My wife and I have two daughters.
Justine (my eldest daughter) was in 6th Grade when she and her classmates (mostly first born Filipinas, first generation Filipino Americans born to 30-40-something immigrant parents) decided to ask -- not, shock-- their parents by asking when they can have boyfriends. Later on, we found out that all parents responded with the standard, "No boyfriends, not until you're thirty!" Or, "not until you're married!", "not till you're 18 (or 21)", etc....ALL, except us.
“Mom, when can I have a boyfriend?” My wife told her to go ask me this question. So Justine came to me with the same question. “Dad, when can I have a boyfriend?”

My wife and I were both present to answer the question together.
But I came up with this response, not exactly sure how I even came up with the answer, "It's not a question of when... You can have a boyfriend tomorrow, if you want to! As long as we feel that we trust you, you trust us, you have introduced him to us, and that you trust yourself with the responsibility of having a boyfriend." I went on.....
"Trust: you have built and keep trusting relationships, most importantly with us. We would like to think that you trust us enough to meet this guy before becoming his girlfriend, and in the same manner, he can build trust with us.
Responsibility: having a boyfriend comes with its responsibilities. It is a choice that only you can make. The one power you have is the power of choice; you can choose to hand off that power to someone else (example, everyone has a boyfriend, so I should have one too), but then you also bear the responsibility of that choice. Just like smoking or drugs, having a relationship comes with its consequences, as a result of your choice. While we cannot control your choice, know that you are responsible for the consequences, and hopefully you learn and grow from these choices.
Communication: ultimately, we build trust by communicating, openly, and honestly. We have been open and honest with you, and we expect the same from you and your sister.
We respect your ability to decide for yourself, knowing fully well we expect that you to handle the responsibility of those decisions."

That was my "answer".

---------------

I’m just happy that both girls had always introduced their first boyfriends, before they went steady. Until today they (now 21 and 25) both still introduce their boyfriends as soon as they can and sometimes even confides to me about their relationship issues.
As a dad, I can’t ask for more…..

-----
Ok, so it's not related to fishing while raising your family.....

Congratulations to the new baby, Logan.

Brilliant!!

Rockfish is doing it right ..his kid shares PBJ sandwiches