Advice from the Dads.

I just say get married to acknowledge a commitment... Sounds like you have already. I think your in good shape from the sound of it bro. I grew up fatherless as well, I can relate. Got 2 kids 6yr boy and 8yr girl. My issue is I don't know "how" to be a dad.... Never really had an example.

Keep it about the family, do what you have to do to maintain that. That said you do need time for yourself... Make sure you make time for you as well, otherwise you will not be able to take care of your duties. And GET MARRIED! You have a kid together, tie the knot!!

That's in the works. We'd been talking about it before the little dude decided to show up in our lives, then we put it on the backburner. Neither of us ever wanted to get married. Almost 6 years together now, we've decided we still love AND like each other so that'll be happening soon.

While I was writing I see this pop up, you've gotten allot of good advice on loving and living with the new addition so I thought I'd throw out something a bit different.  Good to see your intentions there, it might be a new world but married parents are still the way to go.

I was probably like many of the younger members here in that I did as I pleased and thought little of other responsibilities because I had none.

It was like 2 years after my son was born that I realized I had no plans for my family should something happen to me.   

Well you now have  responsibility for someone else's life and well being.  Plan for your family's future with and without you.  Might sound out of place here but then again it could be the greatest gift you ever gave if something goes wrong.

Now Please Pardon my downer of a post and Congrats on the upcoming arrival, from reading your initial post you'll be fine, seems like your priorities are right On, your new life and adventure is about to begin.

You've already done stuff bass ackwards from the old ways so don't get married just to get married.  It's hardly a stigma anymore.  Get married if it makes sense to get married.  Pencil out the math for insurance, health insurance, taxes, etc.  Treat it like the business decision that it is.  It's just a piece of paper at this point.

As for how parenting and kids and hobbies works, having your first child is the single largest shock to the system that most people will ever experience, and nobody experiences it in quite the same way.  Don't go in with any expectations, just pray for a happy, healthy baby and you and your lady will figure out your own way.  Remember to be extremely sensitive to your lady's needs during the first few weeks.  Postpartum depression is real, help her through it if it happens.  That might mean canceling a fishing day or turning down overtime or whatever.

There's a lot of truth in what kayakjack had to say about letting kids grow up without overparenting, but i think that's for another discussion.

Congrats on the new addition, but treat this like the mini nuclear bomb on your life that it is and figure out the rest as you go. 

Appreciate all the info/kind words/advice given here.

Cheers guys.

Just "be there" when your kids need you and when they don't...they grow up fast! Fishing is something to do with your family, not instead. My daughter just graduated from grad school and got her big girl job, when she came home to visit this summer, she said daddy take me fishing.

How a person manages family life is pretty much an individual thing because it depends on so many variables, but always family first.
For sure, if you resent the time family is taking away from personal play time there will be a problem.
I have a nephew who literally fished most every day. It was his passion since he was very young.  He got married and still fished most days.  After first his daughter he slowed down to maybe a couple of times a week.  After his second daughter  he goes maybe every month or two. 
I teased him about not fishing much any more and his reply was that though he never envisioned it, fishing paled in comparison to spending time with his daughters. He said fishing will always be there but his daughters will only be around for a short, very special time.

If she said that you can have a weekend a month you are ahead of the game. 

I disagree....you're both adults, if either of you is asking for permission to do something, you already lost.  WAF is not wife and family, it's wife approval factor.  I know most guys use it jokingly but if you're in a position to have to ask for permission to get some "me" time.....you have some bigger issues lol. 


Sent from my SM-G928T using Tapatalk

It was said jokingly, but when she agreed I figured I'll use it if I ever need it in the future.

I'd have to agree with Art on this. Go when you need to go but be respectful. Make sure she gets her me time as well to level the playing field. You need to take care of yourself first in order to have a healthy relationship.

Can't stand that WAF BS 

Congrats on your boy and future fishing buddy.
Took my 12 year old spearfishing today and I'll be take my 11 year old fishing next time. Being a dad is the best thing that ever happened to me. 

I'm kinda blessed with 4 kids 19 to 9.  My wife homeschools the kids.  I work hard at our business.  She asks me if I'm going fishing Monday and I say yes.  If she needs something done I'll work harder so as to get it done throughout my workweek, so as to keep my Monday and some Sunday afternoons open for fishing.  If she really needs me to be off from fishing on a Monday, I oblige, but it is usually for a better reason than fishing.  15 years married and I fish alot.  I love my wife, kids, fishing.  I take the boy pier fishing or beach fishing if he wants to.  The girls aren't fisherwomen.  For instance, we are going to Carmel tomorrow for 2 nights, was debating kayaking stillwater, no brainer, DO NOT bring kayak, I tell myself in a self-controlled sacrificial manner.  "Told" her, gonna bring a fishing rod and a cooler just in case the beach yields a little something.  She says oh yea, like last year? I said yea.  Boom, I'm fishing off Carmel Beach Monday early, prolly even Tuesday early, get it done and back 8.  Fish or no fish, I'll still be fishin'.  Stray striper, perch, whatever......, anything to see that rod bounce.  Did I say I love my wife..........

While I was writing I see this pop up, you've gotten allot of good advice on loving and living with the new addition so I thought I'd throw out something a bit different.  Good to see your intentions there, it might be a new world but married parents are still the way to go.

I was probably like many of the younger members here in that I did as I pleased and thought little of other responsibilities because I had none.

It was like 2 years after my son was born that I realized I had no plans for my family should something happen to me.   

Well you now have  responsibility for someone else's life and well being.  Plan for your family's future with and without you.  Might sound out of place here but then again it could be the greatest gift you ever gave if something goes wrong.

Now Please Pardon my downer of a post and Congrats on the upcoming arrival, from reading your initial post you'll be fine, seems like your priorities are right On, your new life and adventure is about to begin.
[/quote]

This is some advice I gave my kids when they had children. They, being both of my children got a whole life insurance policy with there car insurance carrier State Farm for 50,000 not to expensive for there young age and it actually cost them nothing because they have car insurance and now life insurance they got a multi policy discount. With the two policy added up plus the discount it ended up the same price as just the car insurance.

Congratulations on the up coming event best wishes and good luck.

Back in the day (BITD) I made a set of waders for my 1YO son.
Got a float tube and put a car seat in it and I dragged him around when I fly fished.
When he was 4YO I layered him up and took him in the freezing fog to go crabbing at Doran. His fingers felt like popsicles but he didn't want to go in.
When he was 6 he would sit in the kayak while i dove for abalone.
When he was 7YO I made him a wet suit (BITD they didn't make stuff like that for kids) and took him abalone diving.
So the whole '1 day a month' is totally subjective. Bottom line, it's on you as a dad on how much you want to go out and do stuff. Include tour kid and it's endless.

My advice on being a dad and fishing;
Every single dime you spend with your family is a dime you are robbing from a family counselor.  I've seen it play out so many times as a father with our skiing:
Here's the kid, doing something you want him to improve on.  School work for example.  Now, you COULD play tough and he'll count the seconds before he can cut you loose from his life and do his best to make your life miserable in the meantime.  Or....
You can take him skiing, fishing, hunting, whatever...  and on the way home, after a day of just hanging out doing what you both have grown to love, you can ask him about school.  He will be much more receptive to what you have to say.  Don't dwell, mix the conversation up with other things.  But most of all, help each other by finding that common ground.  Finding that common ground isn't done when you start to have problems.  It's built up over a life time with your child.  My sons saw me take off for fishing, hunting weekends and learned at an early age that I was a much nicer guy to be around after.  Then when they were old enough to join me on the trips, they learned the skills and discipline to become proficient at something.  For hunting, they went with me by age 7 and didn't carry a shotgun until age 10 and didn't have ammo until age 11.  They learned HOW to hunt before they hunted.  I learned HOW to trust 'em with a 12 gauge and live ammo!!  Ha! 
We learned to ski together.  Took a lesson.  Something we would both grow into and could coach each other.  I became an instructor because it was a cheaper way to pay for it all. 

Over the years we took karate and skiing together.  As equals in skills and able to help each other.  I also taught them to ride motorcycles and drive a car by age 7.  Manual tranny even.  They drove the Jeep on the fire roads when we hunted.  We raced the motorcycles on the same days and pitted for each other. 

Mostly what I'm trying to get at is that you need to work from the start to develop the relationship you want to have with your family. 

As for my wife, at first I'd remind her that I COULD go fishing or hunting with the guys, or I COULD go drinking with the 'other' guys.  Her choice.  She didn't begrudge me the time I took to go fishing or hunting.  Then when the boys went with me and she realized she wasn't needing to play short-order cook on the weekends, she darn near insisted we go hunt, fish, camp, ski, what ever it was that got us out of the house and she could curl up to read a book, talk to a friend on the phone uninterpreted, or just take a long bath without the kids needing every little thing.  My wife tells me to this day that he best memories are when we came home from hunt/fish/ski so excited to describe our adventure that we couldn't keep from talking over each other.  How full of joy we were and how she loved to see that in her husband and children interacting. 

I've been asked a lot of times by folks what did I do or how did my kids turn out so great.  I can only tell them, and you, that it's the time I WANT to spend with them and that will build into time they want to spend with me.  It isn't ever considered work.  It's been a pure joy to have been a father raising my sons. 

Sage advice.......ya'all are reminding me to get that 9 yr. old son out and about more often then I presently do.  Thanks

This is all great info and advice and it's awesome that a group of total strangers is sharing it. NCKA is a great place. Thanks for having me. Seriously.

Unfortunately for me and my father, by the time we started spending time together he didn't know how to be a dad and I didn't know how to be a son. But - the fondest memories are the things we did together, riding motorcycles, shooting, fishing, and working on anything with wheels. Sometimes it was just riding in the truck down to home depot to pick up supplies for projects around our property.

What I've gathered from my experiences, and is echoed here by the experience you're sharing is that it matters most that you spend time with your family and children, and include them wherever possible.

Cheers,
Logan

Clearly this is your first child. The first few years don't mean shit. I see a lot of first time parents who over-parent and over-protect their kid. They end up raising pussies who can't wipe their own asses. Furthermore, they end up abandoning their friends and hobbies thereby becoming losers themselves. Keep fishing and let that crumbsnatcher free-range a little bit more.

Hahahahahahahabahaha.........fucking awesome.

This was like a therapy session. 

So here is where I am.  My dad screwed it all up and I turned out pretty damn good for what I had to work with. 

As for work I joined the military and got the hell out of town the day I turned 18.  Happy b-day to me.  Worked toward the job I always wanted and got it with a lot of hard work . Became an over achiever and excelled in work.  Got the wife and kid, but had no idea how to do it.  My wife did so she was in charge of all that. I mean I did some trips and school events and things like that but focused to much on the financial security that I didn't have growing up. 

Needless to say I finally got it and focused less on work and more on family.  The good thing is you get a do over as grandparents.  My parents were just as screwed up as grandparents as they were as parents.  Me and the wife decided we would be better.  We have a great relationship with our daughter and the grandkids just love spending time with us.  So where we think we screwed up our daughter says she thought we were good parents. So some people are just harder on themselves. 

So by you just pondering it all makes you better at this than many.  Family time is important, but don't forget the me time.  When I was working 20 hour days I was a robot and my family suffered and of course I suffered.  One thing I would do differently is take a personal day more often because I was a fisherman before my family and I am now but there were some years that I still thought I was but someone asked when the last time I went fishing was and I couldn't remember.  I think a few years I didn't even get a license.  Stress damn near killed me so when you make decisions about finances and whether to take a new job.  Sit down with the wife and decide your priorities and then decide if out of town jobs is worth it.   

You got this.