FUNNY STUFF......

Jeff

That's great! I `can see why you want to take it down, but first slip the pants down to the ankles first.

Stoggie

oh damn!  that is TOOOOOOOO FUnny!!   

Wow that was really good jeff.  I love doing stuff like that.

Funny as hell article in the Onion


http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/what_kind_of_sick_fuck_would?utm_source=EMTF_Onion

Stoggie

Why do girls pierce their belly buttons???  Great place to  hang the missletoe from. HO HO HO

http://pranksterpete.blogspot.com/

I want this dog!

I want that creek!

New Scam Targeting Men at Lowes, Costco, Home Depot ....

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I’ve seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it. This is a heads-up for those men who may be regular Lowe’s, Home Depot, or Costco customers. This one caught me by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naïve enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.  Here’s how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car as you are packing your supplies or groceries into your trunk.  They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say No and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds. You agree and they get into the back seat.  On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over the front seat and starts crawling all over you while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen on December 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th and 17th.  My wallet was also stolen three times this past Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.  So tell your friends to be careful.  What a horrible way to take advantage of older men.  Warn your friends to be vigilant.                       

By the way…Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each.  I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K-Mart and bought them out.

Happy Holidaze all

Got to get this phone 

http://www.flixxy.com/sumsing-turbo-3000-cellphone.htm

Every once in while I think about this article and laugh my butt off. I love artistic profanity. I truly believe that the creative use of profanity is as intelligent as fine poetry. In the Marine Corps I learned from masters. Profanity was their true medium and I have studied under their tutelage. In 2003 Field and Stream published the following article. I laughed so hard it brought me to tears.


http://www.fieldandstream.com/articles/david-e-petzal/2003/11/oh

Oh, ****!
A Sportsman's Guide to Profanity
Article by David E. Petzal. Uploaded on November 10, 2003

Photo by Field & Stream Online Editors
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Profanity is as much a part of hunting and fishing as Vienna sausage and wet toilet paper. It is a manifestation of the freedom afforded by the outdoors. If you want to say **** or ******* because it describes your gun or your dog or the deer or fish that just escaped, you may do so.

Through its long and glorious history, Field & Stream has had a strict antiprofanity policy, save for the occasional darn or drat. But now, in the 21st century, the restraints are at last coming off, and I can freely address some of the questions on its use that readers have sent in over the years.

* Is profanity a sign of poor character?

Emphatically no. In 1971 I was invited to hunt in Montana by an outdoor writer with whom I had become acquainted. Since I had never been West before and was anxious to impress people as a man of taste and refinement, I showed up at his cabin in slacks, a sports jacket, and a tie. His wife, Priscilla, took one look at me and said, "Holy ****, Norman, what the **** have you brought in here?" Their Lab, Chief, bit me in the leg.

Priscilla could have said, "I'm very glad to meet you, but your mode of attire is ludicrous, and it is painfully obvious to even the most casual observer that you are badly out of place in a rustic setting like this." But that would have taken much longer, and it wouldn't have had nearly the same effect. As for Chief, I learned that I was lucky he only bit me in the leg. His usual form of greeting required people to take their trousers to the cleaners. Chief was, in the words of the doggy set, a "knee ******."

Norman called Priscilla "The Duchess" because of her lack of refinement, but she was, and is, one of the most generous souls I've ever met, and a multitude of people owe her for a thousand acts of kindness. She simply let it out when cursing expressed what she felt.

* Are there times when you should not curse, even when it's proper to do so?
Yes. Years ago, a member of a club I belong to missed a clay bird, and that cost him a major shooting championship. This fellow was not only a superb shot and a to-the-death competitor, but he was a gentleman, and instead of calling the unbroken bird a miserable ******* or a low-rent *********** he simply said, "Oh dear, that's going to be very costly."

Onlookers were hushed and awestruck, and I'm told that a few actually wept. In that moment he passed into legend.

* Is profanity truly the tool of the ignorant, the half-bright, and the uneducated?
No, and as evidence, I give you two great Field & Stream editors, Warren Page and Gene Hill. Both were Harvard graduates, and Page taught English at a very exclusive prep school. If there were two more literate, well-educated, and eloquent men, I don't know who they might be, and both of them cursed with imagination, passion, and intensity.

Hill's observations on the eventual disposition of some of his guns and rods were particularly fascinating, although anatomically impossible. But most of his conversation was so lewd, grotesque, and blasphemous that I cannot reproduce it here, even using asterisks for his choicer words.

To Page, the F word was mother's milk, and he used it as all parts of speech. The first time he invited me to go shooting with him, I showed up with a ferocious-kicking rifle. Page, who hated recoil, looked at it and said, "What the **** are you going to do with that? That ******* gun is gonna kill you."

On the third shot, the scope went an inch into my eyebrow, and as the blood poured down my shirt, he positively danced with joy. "I told you that ******* gun was gonna kill you."

* What do you regard as good hunting and fishing profanity?
It should be imaginative and should be used much as one uses spice in cooking. Applied sparingly, and with creativity, it makes conversation memorablle. Once, in Illinois, I shot a pheasant that had not even leveled off in flight and hit him with every pellet in the shell and probably the wad, too.

"Wow," said the fellow I was with, "you drove **** and shot from his ******* to his brain." Which was infinitely more descriptive than "Golly, you sure took that bird fast."

* Where can I learn how to curse artistically?
In the armed forces, or in any hunting camp in the South. The redneck peckerwoods in the services, and in Dixie (often the very same redneck peckerwoods) have elevated profanity to something near poetry.

In basic training, I heard a drill sergeant inform a private that "Your footlocker smells like a cold wind coming off a pile of wet wolf ****."

When I went to Fort Knox, Kentucky, I was warned that "We got mosquitoes so big down here they can **** a turkey standing flat-footed."

As a ******* civilian again, on a deer hunt in South Carolina that took place in a weeklong downpour, I heard an aged Secessionist warn a youngster who had not brought his poncho that "Boy, you gonna git soaked. It's rainin' hard as a tall cow ****** on a flat rock."

Later, when the kid came in drenched and hypothermic, he was told, "Gawud dayum, son, you shakin' jes' lak a dog ******* peach pits."

Could Shakespeare (whose works are filled with profanity) have said it better? Hayull, no.

On a quail hunt in Texas, I listened to a fellow Yankee bragging to his host about his new cowboy hat. The Texan looked at it squinty-eyed for a minute and said:

"Ah do believe ah'd lak to buy me two o' them. [BRACKET "long, long pause"] One to **** in, and t'other to cover it up with."

That was the last we saw of the hat.

* Do you see a bright future for hunting and fishing profanity?
I believe that outdoor profanity is a growth industry. As long as dogs break points and hunters miss deer and trout snap tippets, there will be men and women who will stand tall and protest against uncaring fate using every word available to them.

Probably.

Who the **** knows?

 

Sunday School

A young boy, tardy for Sunday School, explained that he was late because he'd planned on going fishing that day, but his dad told him he needed to go to church. The teacher was impressed and asked the boy how his dad explained that it was more important to go to church than to go fishing.

The boy replied, "Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."