Time to come clean

When you are ready, I'll go out with you.

-Allen

don't be so hard on yourself.  a little fear keeps you alive, a lot of fear keeps you from feeling alive.
and get a new boat.  sell the one you have for cheap, don't look back and get something more appropriate for what you want to do.
and be careful going out fishing with guys on the board, you'll have more fun than is legally allowed in CA.

Well, I've been through a 12 step program in the past. But it wasn't for alcohol. It was for doing shit like this;

A few years ago, I was finally done with it, but then I took up ocean kayak fishing. 

D'oh?

I Zod Out

It sounds like you've been through a lot in your years.

If it makes you feel any better, 99% of us have ended up in the drink and the other 1% will end up there someday. The first time you go in unintentionally, whether its in a lake or the Big Blue, it can be a nerve wracking experience. My first time out in my own kayak, I wasn't prepared at all and tried to fight some current that was stronger than I thought and rolled my Tarpon 140. My PFD was tucked into my live well because I was in comfortable waters up to the point. After hitting the water, I luckily caught up to the kayak and drug it to shore to get back on. I lost my GPS to the river bottom and paddled "on eggshells" all the way back to the launch. I took that kayak out several more times and never felt comfortable on it - hitting the water again was constantly on my mind.

As others have alluded to, I bought a wider, more stable kayak that better suits my body type and I havent looked back. Maybe a fresh start with a more stable yak is a thought ?

I paddle the Napa River regularly so if you ever just want to get out for a paddle on a calm, easy river, don't hesitate to come along sometime. I feel like even though many of us NCKA folks have never met, we're all part of a big supportive community that looks out for each other through the sport that we love.

hey vic, you ever you want to hit the lake, and just go for a paddle, just give a shout and i will be there, its always a good idea to just get miles in,  doesnt always have to be about fishing and tons of gear, cameron

I've ended up in the drink more times than I can count;  either on accident or purpose. Every year I practice rolling myself over so I keep myself tuned in case it happens. I do get lucky and get to do it in some cool spots like Cabo or Hawaii so that is nice.

My worst is cold water and that scares the bejesus out of me. That happened at Del Valle in winter and I went over with my waders on. The cold water made it real difficult to take a breath so I was just running out of air. I had to make myself relax and only then was I able to breath. Then my brothers from the NCKA came over and gave me a hand back in my kayak. They wanted my fish as payment. Funny guys!!!

come over and take my extra fish-n-dive out with me-we'll go out a mile and whale watch...the "couch of the sea"...you'll be falling asleep in swell and wind,bring a pillow  ....
stuffed full of noodles til I cant see the inside or barley get the hatches on....it is as stable as kayaks get I bet

when I got spooked really bad ,with bad dreams and day dreams and terror dreams-this is just my one GWS experience---I tried and go the next day and every day after that I was free and able until it went away...some days I should say---

I was scared yesterday with all the shark talk lately rolling around in my head -laying in bed at 5 a.m -my mind was picturing me out in a little while-a 1/2 mile  from shore in the fog and seeing my yak from below----or seeing a shape swim up ect ect.. all freaked out and I had just woke up-seems my mind got up early and was waiting for me....but when I got out otw it was much better....my mind wants to fuck with me when it can ...
couple of big ass jelly fish right next to each other-orange and white fuckers- gave me a jump yesterday out of the corner of my eye---
hope it gets better for you buddy
Craig

my buddy tipped my spare fish-n-dive...he went over his shoulder and he is like 6-3 280-290....It surprised me he did it as this thing is like a little boat...but he did....I told him..side saddle to access the rear area -bucket-gear....much safer...but he did not want his feet in the water---turns out he got his whole body in the water instead.....
It was lesson to me and I dont want to tip so sit side saddle when needed and that tipping point is a smidge away from that rocking feeling...just smidge more and it's all over but the swim...

  What exactly is your fear?  Can you not swim?  PFD solves that issue. (Trusting in it may be hard) Fear of loosing gear?  It's all replaceable.   

By all means take a class. then take some advanced classes if you like it.

get a solid, new yak. One you can have confidence in. Sell the repaired one. Ain't no one got time for that kind of stress in what should be a 'fun" hobby.

Then, take the new yak and make it bombproof with secondary flotation (either foam blocks, pool noodles, or air bags), spare paddle, and a pump. After my shark scope and tailing this helped immensely with my confidence.

Bottom line: it's got to be fun for you

Sorry to hear that dude...

You're coming down this way right???

A GREAT spot to be OTW in flat water is right here at Elkhorn slough....You can contact Dave Grigsby at kayak connection in Moss Landing and he can set you and your family up with whatever you might need.

You can PM him here (gatorgrigs) before hand to let him know what has been going on...

PM me if you want some company and/or want to check out stillwater cove....I take my kid and other kids, and my older dad out all the time inside stillwater cove and it is pretty darn peaceful and relaxing...

Best of luck bro.

 

Sincerely,

Jim

I can tell just by your posts that you're a good dude, Vic!
So it's a bummer to hear that you feel uncomfortable OTW in your yak. But it's also refreshing to see/hear someone who is able to share their experiences with other members of the community. Most people wouldn't be comfortable enough with themselves to do that! Ya got my respect.

It sounds like you should sell that crummy kayak. Make sure to indicate it was damaged and repaired. But seriously, you should try to flip it (no pun intended!) for a different yak..one that is not damaged...and will not make you feel uncomfortable OTW...and will not make you white knuckle the paddle out of fear/anticipation. I get the same feeling while driving my beater truck...filled with anxiety that it's gonna break down at any moment, white-knuckling the steering wheel in anticipation of something bad is about to happen. Makes me avoid driving my truck.

If you go on vacation down this way, don't even bring your kayak...because you can borrow one from me or BigJim and I guarantee it will be in tip-top condition with zero chance of sinking etc.

I can tell just by your posts that you're a good dude, Vic!
So it's a bummer to hear that you feel uncomfortable OTW in your yak. But it's also refreshing to see/hear someone who is able to share their experiences with other members of the community. Most people wouldn't be comfortable enough with themselves to do that! Ya got my respect.

It sounds like you should sell that crummy kayak. Make sure to indicate it was damaged and repaired. But seriously, you should try to flip it (no pun intended!) for a different yak..one that is not damaged...and will not make you feel uncomfortable OTW...and will not make you white knuckle the paddle out of fear/anticipation. I get the same feeling while driving my beater truck...filled with anxiety that it's gonna break down at any moment, white-knuckling the steering wheel in anticipation of something bad is about to happen. Makes me avoid driving my truck.

If you go on vacation down this way, don't even bring your kayak...because you can borrow one from me or BigJim and I guarantee it will be in tip-top condition with zero chance of sinking etc.

+1 to everything Pat said.

You're gonna be in Pajaro dunes right? I'm literally right up the road and have three very seaworthy yaks at my house that you can use whenever for whatever...

 

Sincerely,

Jim

 

  The hard stuff is past you now!