On the home front tonight

Chuck Norris could move that with his hands tied behind his back...by himself...while chewing gum...

No he can't. That is a myth started on social media. Chuck never learned to chew gum. 

Chuck Norris could move that with his hands tied behind his back...by himself...while chewing gum...

No he can't. That is a myth started on social media. Chuck never learned to chew gum. 

Dang...you're reminding me that he chose not to chew gum because he knew if he blew a bubble it would envelop the entire Milky Way...fact check again...

A couple of months back a loud noise woke me and my wife who normally wouldn’t wake up if I tap danced around the room in clogs

Immediate reaction in my head is jump up and tackle whatever jackass is in our home in the middle of the night

But as they say amongst the aging my brain said go and body said no and I’m standing next to my bed w both hands on the wall trying to stay upright

Few minutes later I’m halfway down the stairs hanging on the rail w both hands thinking something ain’t right here

Fortunately there was no burglar

This world just ain’t safe, if your a safe, anymore! Get a big dog.

I got a call from the sheriffs dept here in Sonoma Co ,( before I retired)

They needed my county vehicle/truck with a winch to assist in retrieving a safe that had been stolen.

the dipshits weren’t able to open it and instead dumped it down an embankment..why they didn’t call their guy in the 4x4 IDK

anyway I go to the scene and me and the deputy pull cable down to the spot , secure the safe ..climb back up and retrieve the safe ..the cash envelope was still inside / intact

They tried opening it with maybe  a hand held propane can or something like that barely scorching it

deputy told me later that same business had been hit once before …but this time they  actually took the safe ..huh

I got 4 hours OT

When Chuck Norris entered the conversation I grinned in anticipation of the reminder that need not be given.

Not to impune your tale of talentless crooks, but with the mention of Chuck Norris, Steven Segal......Van Damme.....should we not have been asked to not be distracted by the feats of these mortal men and recognize that in 1966 a true legend scored four touchdowns in one game for football powerhouse, Polk High?

In the context of this Story, Al Bundy's exploits as a women's shoe salesman at Gary's Shoes would easily thwarted the home invasion; for he would have had no means to purchase a safe, nor anything of value to put in said safe.....eliminating any temptation that would have drawn criminals to his home.  These other bums are just mercenaries....Al Bindy is a problem solver.

So what you’re saying is i should give everything away and get a job in a lady’s shoe store?

So what you’re saying is i should give everything away and get a job in a lady’s shoe store?

Respectfully…..not sure you got the chops for that kind of action boss. 

I’d say with the history of swimming around in shark infested breaks, towing hapless kayakers in by their bowline safely secured in your I ron jaw and earning a paycheck amongst the world’s current plague……you’re in closer company amongst the mercenaries. 

Although…..you may still posses the cunning witt to outsmart crooks and still fight them off if need be.  How would you rate your skills and experience in boobytrapping a house?  Maybe you’re a McCallister?

When our neighbors are on vacation they seem to know it
The cops said it’s a string of them happening in the area all the same MO

I wonder if those neighbors put in a 'vacation hold' at their Post Office and if they are all serviced by the same Post office?
That would be one way of explaining how they know people are on vacation.

When our neighbors are on vacation they seem to know it
The cops said it’s a string of them happening in the area all the same MO

I wonder if those neighbors put in a 'vacation hold' at their Post Office and if they are all serviced by the same Post office?
That would be one way of explaining how they know people are on vacation.

This is where the story gets a little embarrassing

So what you’re saying is i should give everything away and get a job in a lady’s shoe store?

Respectfully…..not sure you got the chops for that kind of action boss. 

I’d say with the history of swimming around in shark infested breaks, towing hapless kayakers in by their bowline safely secured in your I ron jaw and earning a paycheck amongst the world’s current plague……you’re in closer company amongst the mercenaries. 

Although…..you may still posses the cunning witt to outsmart crooks and still fight them off if need be.  How would you rate your skills and experience in boobytrapping a house?  Maybe you’re a McCallister?

Uhh…dammit

For a minute there I thought I found my next career

Btw growing up in a frequent burglary zone my dad booby-trapped the backyard w trip lines that would ring a string of bells in the garage

Only trouble with that was they tended to break in in broad daylight when he was at work and we were at school

I remember one time coming home from school and the scallywags had dumped out every drawer in the house

Who’s Al Bindy anyway

Wasnt he a serial killer or something?

So what you’re saying is i should give everything away and get a job in a lady’s shoe store?

Do it. That would be so awesome.

While stationed in Mississippi, I set up a booby trap for my dirt bike I stored in a bedroom closet.  Unfortunately, I must have just winged the guy.  The trail of blood was impressive though. Exited through the bedroom window without pausing to open it.  Cost me my cleaning deposit. 

While stationed in Mississippi, I set up a booby trap for my dirt bike I stored in a bedroom closet.  Unfortunately, I must have just winged the guy.  The trail of blood was impressive though. Exited through the bedroom window without pausing to open it.  Cost me my cleaning deposit. 

That's money well spent.