Why I missed Crabfest, or the Weirdest Emotional Roller Coaster ever

Never underestimate what can happen in your own home.  Saturday morning started with a chain of events that I am still having to come to grips with. As I consider you all to be brotherhood I feel I can share this.  This story starts a long time, a conversation I had with my mother once about a week before my brother died back in 1995.  I was living in the Upstate of South Carolina, and a friend of mine had a party.  The friend’s birth mother was there.  I had not met her previously, but the couple knew I had been adopted, as was the wife.  She introduced me to her birth mother and mention that I had also been adopted.  This started a night of "why I should seek out my birth mother."  Well it was kind of unsettling.  In my mind at that time my parents are and always will be only parents I ever knew. 

I told my mom about this, and she told me, well you know you have a brother, my attitude was "no sh**, I know i have a brother."  She said no when they adopted me, I was the second child.  I didn't think much of it at the time, but two days after Christmas that year (roughly a week later),  I got the phone call that rocked my world, my brother had passed away.  I can't say how much that devastated me.  Some time would pass before I decided to reopen the conversation.  Not because I had another mother out there, but I realized there things I knew nothing about, most importantly to me was a possible sibling, and my family medical history. 

I talked to my folks told them what I wanted to do, and got their blessing on this. I wanted to understand that no matter what they will always be my parents in my eyes.  Well for anyone who has done this in the last few years can tell you, this is a slow moving train, more like a crawl.  I signed up for "none identifying information" from my home state.  That came shortly thereafter.  I found my birth mother was a Nurse, had a child prior to me, divorced, had me, my father split town, married the boy next door, but they could not afford to have two kids at that time.  So I was put up for adoption. 

Not much for biological information, but that’s what I had, I signed up for various websites, but unless one of the birth parents is also looking they are almost always a dead end (at least in my case).  I saw an add once for a research agency that specialized in looking for birth parents/adopted children.  I am not going to say they were a great service, because I thought they were almost useless, except for one thing, and this one thing changed everything.  A form ,from my home state, for either the birth parents or adopted child to allow them access to the actual birth certificate.  The actual form is public so this wasn't a huge super secret thing.  It is fairly new to my home state.  Other states may or may not have such a program, I do not know.

Well I filled out the form faxed it back to said research agency, they filed it, and of course they were supposed to send an original, so the letter came back to me.  I signed it and resent it.  Saturday morning the letter arrived.  With GF by my side I opened the letter, there in front of me was a Certificate of Live Birth with my real name (middle name is different than now), Birth Father and Mother.  It also listed how many other children she had,one.  I had a sibling somewhere...or so I thought.

My birth mother’s maiden names are rather unique, actually I had never heard of it before.  There is a small enclave of this family name in southern New England between two states.  She was able to find easily, only one problem, she had passed away in 2001.  I found where she is buried, GF found something else.  She had found an obituary for her son who had died of a massive MI in 2010 at the age of 48.  For those of you who know me, you know I am 48 now.  In the span of a couple of hours I went from knowing I had a birth mother and a half brother out there, to two obituaries.  Reading my half brothers obituary, I found he had a sister, which means I have one as well.  But more importantly, there was a listing for His Aunt and Uncle (My birth mothers Sister).  His Uncle had a very Unique Spelling, uncommon for a regular name.  He became very easy to find (amazing what a second "r" in a name will do, it eliminates thousands of people quickly.

I had an obligation at Camp Parks I had to go, sop I had to run.  I gave GF my blessing and she went ahead and called my "Aunt. " Still coming to grips with that one.  She knew of me, but she was a WAVE in 1964 and stationed at Coronado, she is a Vietnam Vet, as is her Husband.  They live in...Marin County,, about 45 minutes from where I live now.  They have two sons who live down south. 

We got to speak for the first time Sunday morning.  She thanked me for looking for them, as she never knew what had happened to me, and her sister never told any of the details.  She also spoke with her niece, who did not know of my existence.  My half sister lives about 15-20 miles from my folks.  So my next trip home I am hoping I get to meet her.  Back to Aunt in Marin, we agreed to meet up there next Saturday.

So in the span of a day I gained: Birth Parents, Lost a Birth Parent, a half brother, lost a half brother, gained a half sister, who may or may not want to know of me (Aunt is gracious and already called and explained of my existence to her niece, who was going to call her back as of last night for follow up info). 

Now that may sound weird, but it gets weirder.  My half brother and I both have Harley Road Kings, my cousin down south rides a touring Yamaha.  My "Uncle" Kayaks, my cousin down south is an Executive Chef down south, and he loves to come back to Marin to go abalone diving.  Cousin Scott is every bit the smart a** I am, as he started cracking anti Harley remarks 20 seconds after he called me.  Mooch, just so you know, I fired them right back, family or not, you don’t talk trash about Harley’s with me…lol.  I don't know about anyone else but I feel that was a legit enough reason to miss Crabfest this year.


So please forgive me for this year, I hope to make next year...hmm might even have a place to stay!

Awesome story!  Thanks for sharing.

Wow... that's awesome....

somthings, so far away are soo close. 

Hey Kevin,
I don't know you but I hope you but wanted to share.

I was adopted when I was a baby and have since found my biological family and I know the emotional roller coaster you are going through. Like you my mom passed before I found her. I have a relationship with 7 brothers and sisters and my biological father. Reading your story just brought back a lot of those emotions I went through when I found them. I also remember getting my last speeding ticket on the way to meet my bio father for the first time.

I wish you a happy ending to your new found family.

James

 

Thanks for sharing your family story with us Kevin.  Wishing you a very happy ending...

Wow man! You should make that into a movie or at least a book. Dont hear stories like that much.

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What an amazing story. Thanks for sharing!
Most of my family was either adopted or children of adoptees, and I spent a year working in an orphanage near Seoul (my sister’s previous residence).  As a part of the adoption community I have been able to see some pretty interesting reunifications.
I have an adoptee friend who is a civil attorney and a wine enthusiast. Unlike with most adoptions my friend retained his birth father's surname. 
One month my friend received someone else’s (same surname) wine from his wine club.  The next month, he got the wrong wine again.  He decided to contact the person, and as it turned out the man with the same surname was his brother whom he didn't know existed.  His brother, a wine enthusiast was also a civil attorney in California.
I have also witnessed the reunification of identical triplets.  One was adopted to Denmark, one to Sweden, and the other stayed with the birth parents in Korea.  All three were body builders and shared more interests than could be coincidental.

When I hear stories like yours I am always reminded about my favorite popular science book on behavioral genetics.
http://www.amazon.com/Living-Our-Genes-Matter-Think/dp/0385485840

What a story! So glad you are connected back to your birth-side of family.

By the way I am also a weekend warrior at the Camp Parks! I'm currently in training at Ft Gordon and will return to the bay around April.

Hope to fish with you in near future.

Hermes

Wow, what a weekend!
Reading this, i teared up and had to read the rest after a tissue.  Thanks for sharing with us

Jim

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Thanks guys, this been a very short but wild E ride so far (I know I am showing my age when I use the term E ride).

Amazing story! Thanks for sharing!


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How cool is that

My cousin, who I grew up with was also adopted. But I never knew that he was until my mom "accidentally" brought it up at conversation during a random family dinner when I was a teenager. I was shocked and in disbelief. My heart sank but realized that he was lucky to have been adopted by loving parents. He too ended up searching for his parents but never got lucky. I feel bad for him for not finding the closure that he was hoping for. But knowing that he has been living a good life makes me happy. He is now living in New York with a loving wife and 3 beautiful children.

Mooch, just so you know, I fired them right back, family or not, you don’t talk trash about Harley’s with me…lol.

Kevin,you have it easy with a Harley buddy...Imagine owning a scooter and having to explain that  

Kevin,
Congrats on locating your family members.
It's good to see that your persistence paid off.
You had quite the weekend.
Antonio

Looks Like some family members may be mingling in the future 

Awesome.....

Amazing story!
OK, you can be excused from Crabfest.