"This ***** will catch fish with his bare hands!" quote the Mooch

From what I've heard Joel has been anxiously awaiting my report because I kept a tight lip on what I'd be posting, the suspense is over......here's the skinny on what really happened during the deflowering of the 240 lb virgin. 

Pre trip PM Chat went something like this(non-verbatim)......

Angel: Mooch make sure you bring your fishfinder cause I haven't installed mine and the most sophisticated piece of equipment art has installed on his yak is a bungee cord.

Mooch: I'm not even bringing a yak, I'm just gonna snorkel around near the beach.
Angel:  Bring it, its safer since you'll have somewhere to rest. 
Me: Bring it, we'll dive the island and I guarentee you'll be fine.
Angel:  I think what Art is trying to say is "stop being a *****"
Mooch: This ***** will catch fish with his bare hands....argh 

So with that out of the way we decided on Stillwater....thats top secret though....tell no one. Angel and Joel were to be at my house at a quarter to 8. I was inside getting my gear ready when I heard tires screaching and sirens going, a tell tale sign that they were close so I went outside.  I haven't fished with Joel in a while so I reached out to shake his hand and he slapped me like a woman scorned ( I promised him a ride to Ano for some GW spectating but have not come through because of a few maintenance issues that I have not had the spare fundage to take care of).  It takes about 2 minutes to smooth it over and calm him down so we (when I say "we" I mean Angel and Joel) load my gear and we split.  Joel was pretty pumped up about his first dive, so much so that he starts divulging random information about all his trade secrets *cough*troll*cough smith*cough*wick*cough*minnows at the forebay*cough cough*AOTY for sure*cough*cough*.  But thats between us.  This went on all the way to Monterrey where we stopped at a dive shop to pick up hippie Mike.  Hippie Mike had not arrived yet so we go into the shop to give it a look and are greeted by a sweet sweet older gal and her labrador.  Angel and I are talking diving in the area with her when Joel busts in the conversation asking if she carried SPEARGUNS! or any other weapons of fish destruction.  She quickly rolled her eyes at us and went back toward the register.  Mooch is all about PC 

So we pick up Hippie Mike and head down to stillwater. The parking lot we parked in last time (the one next to the golf course Angel 4 wheeled all over to make a U turn) was closed so we figured we'd just park next to the beach club...we sent Angel to talk lawnmower with the Landscaper who took a pitstop at the bathrooms and he referred Angel inside the beach club to request permission to park.  He not only got permission but came out with a full membership to the private beach club so we can have preferred parking next time also.  A little pricey (bout 115K a year) but worth it if you got dough like Angel, hit him up for the parking permit next time you're down that way. 

So we unload the yaks and suit up.  Joel had not even tried his suit on prior to this, he simply knew all lubed up 240 lbs of sexy would slide in without a problem, he says he knows his body pretty well....I didn't question it.  Anyway, here you have it 240lbs of bashfull sexy

Ladies feel free to use this as the Official Women of NCKA Avatar

Angel learned his lesson after the first report so he didn't sing this time but still flexed his way out.


We make our way onto the beach and as we're setting up our boats I see Joel sitting on his @ss fumbling in the 6" breakers.....apparently he had some trouble getting his little booties on...it looked like this.

but funnier in person (note to anyone wearing any kind of bootie or foot protection on a beach, put in on in the parking lot so you don't have to rinse the tootsies off in the water exposing you to the public embarassment by the way of digital photos and the internet)

We get to the protected waters of shark attack island and joel's bashfulness had wore off....here he is flat out owning sexy


We get in the water and Joel starts barking abot finding an Ab...I told him its probably just a shell, I go over to check it out and sure enough its a little Ab.  Eagle eyes spots another one exactly 1 minute later.


We snorkel around the surgy, tangly, kelpy cluster**** for another half hour and me, angel and the hippie decide its time to move deeper...whether Joel likes it or not.  All three of us looked at each other then asked where the hell Joel escaped to.  Seconds later we hear blood curdling screams combo'ed with muffled shreiks and realize its Joel screaming through his snorkel and swimming back to us with the strangest one handed freestyle stroke I've ever seen.  Triumphantly he picks up the spear and there's the cutest little rockfish you ever seen at the business end.  Joel starts retelling the tale of his kill....blah blah blah blah..... then we remind him to take off his snorkel so we can understand and he starts again...game clip on the bottom fish swarming it.  I missed multiple shots then I finally lined up on a nice black and yellow and let the spear fly...gracefully it left my hand and hurled through the water with blistering speed and....missed the big one by 2 feet but managed to stick the little guy right behind it. We could not deny it though...the *****, although not bare handed, did catch a fish and spilled first blood.


We moved over to the tiny cottage Joel wants as the NCKA clubhouse and started the dive.


Numerous small fish were seen schooling about but Angel the Perch Assasin Primo Pacifico wasn't having it...there were perch to be had and he targeted only the biggest species.  He would not let me photograph them though, I don't know why.  Everybody picked off a pair opf rockies in the 1 lb range but pickins were slim.  Random shots.






Later in the day I ventured out to deeper water in search of bigger fish but didn't find anything worth shooting and decided to make the long swim back.  I hadn't noticed it but mooch had been shadowing me as I got further and further away so I figure I'd toss my gun in his tankwell and let him tow me back...he wasn't having it.  I ended up tying off his bow to a 10 foot line and towing him back myself cause he was too lazy to paddle...I guess thats how he earned the SN.     Anyway, we pack it up and call it a day. 

Joel did a damn fine job,it was wet and sloppy, some mistakes were made and he may have fired prematurely but what the hell, it was his first time. 


We dove again on Saturday minus joel, I don't have the time to write it up right now but here's a sneek preview......Angel wearing his speedo on the outside of his wetsuit.

I need a new keyboard...

Good stuff!

Funny funny stuff there.  You had me in stitches for almost the entire report.  Sounded like you had fun.

Michael

 

 Thanks.. very Funny..

 and now I'm off to go work out.....

Very well documented.
 

Wow! I'm speechless.

Thanks for sharing,
PK

....the only "fact" on Art's story is the 240 lbs. of sexy

WoW!  Joel is down to 240?  Way to go big guy!!

-Allen

WoW!  Joel is down to 240?  Way to go big guy!!

-Allen

Allen....come summer, da mooch will start to shed his winter fat and the gun show will arise from it 

wow! those are very nice pics!!! & the water, it is so clear!  looks so much fun!

good thing none of these are here, huh Mooch!?

WoW!  Joel is down to 240?  Way to go big guy!!

-Allen

Allen....come summer, da mooch will start to shed his winter fat and the gun show will arise from it 

Joel, for every pound you lose, I will donate $1 in your name to a charity of your choice.   

It has to be a registered organization, not the "send Mooch to Alaska" fund.  Who else wants in on this?

-Allen

I nominate that as post of the year (so far).

 

Art, you are TOO funny! Thanks for the great report and pix. I'm eager to read the next chapter with Angel in his Speedo!

Joel...may have fired prematurely but what the hell....

Not to worry, Mooch. Lots of guys have that problem...OOPS! Did I say that?

Joel, for every pound you lose, I will donate $1 in your name to a charity of your choice. It has to be a registered organization, not the "send Mooch to Alaska" fund.  Who else wants in on this?

Joel's Sugar Mama will open her pocketbook for this cause!

Janice aka "Big J"

Joel...may have fired prematurely but what the hell....

Not to worry, Mooch. Lots of guys have that problem...OOPS! Did I say that?

Stop it people!!!

Good times had by all!  Excellent writting Art, way to hold back on some of them pics....
the one of Joel hidding himself, coming from the changing rooms is TOO GOOD!(DIDuSENDhimINtheWRONGside?)
 
Angel in the SPEEDO!.....10pts. for "originality" and another 10 for allowing Art to photog it!

.....I've copy&pasted a sentence from your report that, mygoodbuddyBrudah'Mooch, should "pracice on" & try and get-out-of-the-way-now, before his "honeymoon" nite!
Mooch!...don't let this happen to you          ....likeITdidME!

Joel did a damn fine job,it was wet and sloppy, some mistakes were made and he may have fired prematurely but what the hell, it was his first time.