Hearding cats

So we tried to train our cats to use the toilet.

My wife bought a booklet that suggested raising the cat box slightly higher every day by slipping books under it. Over time the cats learn to jump up to the cat box to use it.

Step two begins once the cat box gets to toilet seat level. You slowly move the box over the seat then cut a hole in the bottom and slightly enlarging the hole every day ultimately teaching them to perch before relieving themselves. Eventually you remove the cat box altogether.

It took ten days. They crapped everywhere, in the tub, behind the toilet, the sink... So we started using sheets of cardboard and duct tape to close off the sink, the tub, the area behind the toilet.. Within a few days the whole frickin’ room was nothing but tape, cardboard, books, crap. The cats would just sit there looking at us like "what did you expect?”. It was a disaster.  It never worked. The cats won that one. We dutifully bought them a new cat box.

They make a clear litter box that fits on the toilet seat. Once the cats get used to it start removing a little litter each day when you have no litter left you remove the box. Works like a charm.

You can also bath the cats in the potty

   1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
   2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids lifted.
   3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
   4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
   5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I found to be quite effective.
   6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
   7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift both lids.
   8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,
The Dog

and if that don't work you can try this

Cat Bathing As A Martial Art

   1. Know that although the kitty cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, we recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)
   2. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. We recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.
   3. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule.)
   4. Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have now begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.
   5. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)
   6. Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg.
   7. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.

      In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.

      You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But at least now he smells a lot better.

HA!
Dude, I had to show this thread to my wife it was so funny! She really liked the toilet-cat-washing method!!!!!

Thanks!
PK

hahahahaha 

Hilarious! You're a comedian Micfish!!

Z

This one is definately on the have the wife read this list.

When I was a kid I had a cat that did that on his own (pee only).  Then he'd get off and meow really loud until someone came and flushed for him.  No lie!   

My crazy ass cat will come in from outside to use his litter box.   

That was so funny I now have hick-upps, and will for the next 2 hours!!!!
I'd be happy enough if our cat would simply bury her crap after she is finished!  As it is, she goes, makes a feeble scratch on the floor OUTSIDE the box, then RUNS for the other room...I think she is brain damaged