An Open Letter to Our Possum

I had a possum encounter years ago.  I came home one night at 3AM, found animal poop on my blanket.  I locked down my room, found chewed up apple core that I had left in my trash.  While searching the next room, I heard a disturbance in the corner,  shined my flashlight over there and found a huge possum. 

This guy snuck into the house, made his way to my bedroom, ate my trash, climbed onto my bed, and laid a crap on my blanket!  I captured him and released him in the backyard.

 

  I bet he wasn't to pleased with you handling him was he!

 

  Late 80's I rented a room, across from the Beach boardwalk in SC, and my roommate had cats to which he left cat food,(aka raccoon, skunk, possum chow) out on a step.  One night, it seemed that a coon family was at the dinner bench and a possum clan decided it was there time to munch down!  WHAT a racket!  The noise from both species barking,hissing, snarling screaming! OMG! 
  Well, needless to say everyone in the house was awakened, and so, on went my heavy boots, and as I rounded the corner to the back yard, the raccoons vanished, all but one of the possums hunkered away.  With our patio light on, I approached this rather fat possum, he apparently wasn't ready to leave his feast, so I helped him!   Not wanting to injure the beast, after carefull planning in my head how I wanted this to go, I ran up it, hooked my right boot under it and launched it over the back fence!  Score! As this reluctant critter experienced the sensation of flight as it passed over the fence ,clearing it by at least 2 feet.  It landed in a marsh just outside the back fence.  Heard it splash down!
   Roommate continued placing the critter chow out, but we really didn't hear any more family squabbles after that night.  Food was gone each morning.

Raccoons and Possums are just over-sized diseased rats as far as I'm concerned. They kill our poultry, crap everywhere they hang out, tear up anything that might smell like feed ... 

where i come from the racoon would have been dinner,  granite roaster and a little bread and spices..   Sometimes the past is best left there.

where i come from the racoon would have been dinner,  granite roaster and a little bread and spices..   Sometimes the past is best left there.

I'd like to try possum meat someday.  I heard it's Jed's favorite food. 
I meant Jed from The Beverly Hillbillies, not the NCKA Jed.   
But I'm serious about wanting to try possum meat.

I've heard that raccoons are terrified of mountain lion pee.
Unable to locate a jar of lion pee at my local markets, I decided to conduct a test.
Raccoons are also afraid of human pee. While I wouldn't rate their fear of it as "terrified," they did appear to be slightly concerned. 
Test results were inconclusive, yet ongoing.

How'd you get them to stand still long enough for you to pee on them?

 

From actual events that transpired:



I am very happy that you think my BBQ is the best in the neighborhood. I mean, yes, I put a lot of time in my cooking right down to the selection of the meats to be cooked.
Even the wife would rather have a steak I cook then one out at a restaurant.
I am also happy that you insist on removing and cleaning out the drip can from my smoker (albeit with your tongue). And every bit of help cleaning is awesome.
But, could you please stop rummaging on top of my grills at 3am?
The noise of the clanking stainless steel of the grill is really annoying us when we are trying to sleep.
I also noticed that you stole my grill brush last night and even woke up my next door neighbors. That grill brush was a gift from my wife and I would kindly like that returned please.
What was up with that FU look you gave me last night as well? I mean, you woke me up. I know I opened the sliding glass door and shined a flashlight down at the smoker not knowing you were actually on top of my gas grill one foot away from me, but sheesh, did you really need to flop down on the deck and slowly walk by my foot staring at me with such a nasty look like it was an inconvenience to you?
I guess it is time for us to get a new dog now, the cats just are not cutting it, I saw that they were both at the glass door looking at you but never warned me as to your exact location (stupid cats).
In the future, I will be happy to leave you a plate of leftovers as long as you promise not to steal from me anymore and also promise to not let the feral cats enjoy the delectable goodness with you.

Sincerely,
Surf Hunter

I've been asked via PM to interject in this matter, the request came from an anonomous member quite offended and does not wish any negetive repercussions.
 
 
 

Response to the Open Letter to Our Possum
 
Dear Mr. BBQ Owner,
 
I'd first like to address the correct spelling of my name, Opossum. You're obviously no 10 year old National Spelling B champion but for God sakes man, this is California, if they can spell it correctly in the south then we can spell it correctly here too.  Granted they get to see it daily on the menu of the local waffle house but that is still no excuse.

Secondly, I'm glad that you're madly impressed by your ability to put meat on an open flame but please don't swell with too much pride because I choose to ravage your grease trap every night.....your bbq is generally the third stop on my list, right after the neighbors trash cans and the open sewer drain at the end of the block.  Actually I only stop there because its centrally located and a good stop over point between your block and the dumpster up the street at the 7-11. 

I apologize for the dirty looks but really man, you're not the !@#$%^g police, there's no need to blind me with the mag-lite at 3 am.  You know what kind of dilation it takes to be able to see in pitch blackness? Didn't think so.  And I only took the bbq brush cause I thought I was gonna have to baseball bat your @ss in the shin if you shine your little light in my face one more time.  I'm glad it didn't go down that way though cause I'd like to stick around a bit, your cat has been giving me gaga eyes through the glass door every night...yeah fluffy, she's a wild one.

Sincerely
P-awesome


PS. SinCoast, all members of the animal kingdom talk, the raccoons have been experimenting too. They caught onto your little pee test and conducted one of their own.   After countless nights of peeing all over your bbq they've determined that you do not seem to be turned off by the fact that you're eating meat off a pissy grill and at some times you look like you might even be enjoying it. 

 

You should post Allen's badger pics on your patio.....

I ahve a possum that occasionally visits me while I'm taking my late night hot tub before bed.  Things are uuuuugly.  He runs off when I make noise, but otherwise I can sit and watch him do his thing as long as I want.  They are kinda dumb.

Allen

 

CGN congrats on the "arc."  Classic

Once around Christmas my wife ran upstairs saying there was a RAT under our baby's rocking chair in the living room.  I went down,. sure enough a big old wood rat hunkered neath the chair.  (We live near the woods....constant 'hunt' on.

I looked around for something to use and couldn't resist my wife's present that year. A new set of golf clubs.  My only question at that point, of course was "hmmmm....iron or wood?"

I chose a 6 iron and performed a perfect chip/loft with impact on the side wall.  Hard enough to stun, but light enough to avoid breaking skin and leakage  of rat blood on the new carpet.

A paper bag and a handy brick and we were all done for the night.

Allen

ps sometime I will tell the story about Little Italy Italian restaurant where I used to work in SF.  Involves broomstick, chef's knife, duct tape, and giant Norway rats in the late night back kitchen.

From actual events that transpired:



I am very happy that you think my BBQ is the best in the neighborhood. I mean, yes, I put a lot of time in my cooking right down to the selection of the meats to be cooked.
Even the wife would rather have a steak I cook then one out at a restaurant.
I am also happy that you insist on removing and cleaning out the drip can from my smoker (albeit with your tongue). And every bit of help cleaning is awesome.
But, could you please stop rummaging on top of my grills at 3am?
The noise of the clanking stainless steel of the grill is really annoying us when we are trying to sleep.
I also noticed that you stole my grill brush last night and even woke up my next door neighbors. That grill brush was a gift from my wife and I would kindly like that returned please.
What was up with that FU look you gave me last night as well? I mean, you woke me up. I know I opened the sliding glass door and shined a flashlight down at the smoker not knowing you were actually on top of my gas grill one foot away from me, but sheesh, did you really need to flop down on the deck and slowly walk by my foot staring at me with such a nasty look like it was an inconvenience to you?
I guess it is time for us to get a new dog now, the cats just are not cutting it, I saw that they were both at the glass door looking at you but never warned me as to your exact location (stupid cats).
In the future, I will be happy to leave you a plate of leftovers as long as you promise not to steal from me anymore and also promise to not let the feral cats enjoy the delectable goodness with you.

Sincerely,
Surf Hunter

I've been asked via PM to interject in this matter, the request came from an anonomous member quite offended and does not wish any negetive repercussions.
 
 
 

Response to the Open Letter to Our Possum
 
Dear Mr. BBQ Owner,
 
I'd first like to address the correct spelling of my name, Opossum. You're obviously no 10 year old National Spelling B champion but for God sakes man, this is California, if they can spell it correctly in the south then we can spell it correctly here too.  Granted they get to see it daily on the menu of the local waffle house but that is still no excuse.

Secondly, I'm glad that you're madly impressed by your ability to put meat on an open flame but please don't swell with too much pride because I choose to ravage your grease trap every night.....your bbq is generally the third stop on my list, right after the neighbors trash cans and the open sewer drain at the end of the block.  Actually I only stop there because its centrally located and a good stop over point between your block and the dumpster up the street at the 7-11. 

I apologize for the dirty looks but really man, you're not the !@#$%^g police, there's no need to blind me with the mag-lite at 3 am.  You know what kind of dilation it takes to be able to see in pitch blackness? Didn't think so.  And I only took the bbq brush cause I thought I was gonna have to baseball bat your @ss in the shin if you shine your little light in my face one more time.  I'm glad it didn't go down that way though cause I'd like to stick around a bit, your cat has been giving me gaga eyes through the glass door every night...yeah fluffy, she's a wild one.

Sincerely
P-awesome


PS. SinCoast, all members of the animal kingdom talk, the raccoons have been experimenting too. They caught onto your little pee test and conducted one of their own.   After countless nights of peeing all over your bbq they've determined that you do not seem to be turned off by the fact that you're eating meat off a pissy grill and at some times you look like you might even be enjoying it. 

 

   Classic Art!!!!

ps sometime I will tell the story about Little Italy Italian restaurant where I used to work in SF.  Involves broomstick, chef's knife, duct tape, and giant Norway rats in the late night back kitchen.

Yeah, I've got one form when I was a junior ranger in Goleta. It involved multiple rats, 50lb cases of TP, and a BBQ fork-turned-javelin

applause for the "booting" story CGN, and thanks to Art for being such a conscientious wildlife go-between

and thanks to Art for being such a conscientious wildlife go-between

Advocacy....its what I'm all about.

At least your problem was singular. We finally pissed this girl off enough to relocate family and all! If I remember correctly she took all six of her young'ns in one load.