Saturday Crappy Dive Report---Carmel

8am- Drop my daughter off at her mom's pad

8:10am--text Angle and tell him I'm running about 15 minutes late.

8:11am--Angle kills time by going to Fishery Supply with his speargun to find some tuna cord and crimps so he can re-string his shaft.  Lady at Fishery looks at him like he's an idiot and sends him away.....I advise him that wearing his ski mask and pointing his speargun at the clerk is probably not the best way of asking for tackle. Lesson learned.

10am--We roll into Carmel and Beach access stairway is boarded up with a "Hazardous Conditions" sign....normally I don't let it stop me but something about Carmel tells me they like to write tickets and tow vehicles (I think its all the "no parking--vehicle will be towed and violator's ass will be nailed to wall while everyone in town laughs at you" signs)  We move up the street to the state beach.  For the record, Angel does not support state parks so we did not pay for parking and he let the park restroom know exactly how he felt about the Salt point reserve.

11am--We haul all our crap off the truck and drag it accross a quarter mile of soft deep sand...I thought it sucked but Angel was enjoying it.  He said it reminded him of desert storm.  I'm trudging along then all of a sudden Angel drops to the floor and knocks out twenty push ups, gets back on his feet and puts his yak over his head and sprints toward the water.  Semper Fi

11:45am We're all suited up...actually I was done suiting up a half hour earlier but Angel takes his sweet ass time.  We launch.

12:00pm---I meter the area and find a nice high spot.  We anchor in 50' and swim over to the pinnacle that comes up to 10 feet.  Visibility was horrible, kelp made it dark and the swell/surge kicked up alot of haze.  Swell was about 5-6 but very peaky and steep because of the low tide.  After my first couple drops I start getting a bad case of heart burn and acid keeps kicking up into my throat making it impossible to get comfortable.  I swim around for a while, don't spot any fish so I swim back to the yaks.  As I look over at them I see Angel already on his boat.  Apparently superman pulled a calf muscle or got shin splints from his beach run.  We pull anchor and move closer to the cove.

12:45pm-- We stop on a spot in about 25 feet, visibility is alot better so we anchor.  I make a couple drops and finally come face to face with about 2-3 pound copper.  I lift my gun and take aim, squeeze the trigger and nada....stupid safety....I screw with that for a couple secnd then go to take the shot again and there's kelp jamming up the trigger.  Fish spooks and jams into a hole.  I rip out the kelp and rushed a shot, missed.  Surface and reload...cannot find the damn fish now.  Drop gun to mark spot then swim around to give him a little time to relax and come back out.  Swim over to yak and Angel is back on top, no fish to report. Swell is getting tyhe better of him so I go back for one last look and cannot locate fish.  We call No Joy and decide to return to shore.

1:45 Angel tries to retrieve his anchor but its stuck on bottom.  He hops off the yak to go check it out.  I let him screw with it for a couple minutes then suit back up and go in after it.  I swam up to him but he was preoccupied and didn't notice me....I rreached out and poked him in the side and it scared the hell out of him.  I make the drop to retrieve the anchor and find out that Angel musta been sniper cause he managed to fire is anchor into an opening barely big enough for the anchor to fit in while its collapsed.  It took a couple seconds but I freed it up and we split.

2:00--We paddle back to the beach and the smell of failure musta been all over us cause after we parked the yaks a couple and their dog walked up and the dog pissed all over Angels kayak...the lady offers and apology but Angel tells her don't worry about....happens all the time...she says "okay".

2:01--No pics....no fish shot....I got heart burn...dog pissed all over Angle's boat....we suck...the end.
 

No pics....no fish shot....I got heart burn...dog pissed all over Angle's boat....we suck...the end.

At least the report was extremely entertaining!  I like the style you've developed, Art.  I don't meet many people who might be bigger smart asses than me!  ("might be"...).   

Your name is part of the limited dialogue on my latest video, but the audio on my new waterproof camera isn't the best, so the clicker isn't very loud...

Eric

Art, I guess I have to remind you again of the rules of (Free)Dive club...
1 - The first rule of (Free)Dive Club is, you do not talk about (Free)Dive Club.
2 - The second rule of (Free)Dive Club is, you DO NOT talk about (Free)Dive Club.

I wish you would learn to understand the stress of running a two member dive club and having to remind the members of the rules.

2:01--No pics....no fish shot....I got heart burn...dog pissed all over Angle's boat....we suck...the end.

That pretty much sums it up, but you forgot to mention two things...
1) The pilates lady who was swinging her light saber around (imagine the light saber sounds) and looks directly at you and says "Art, I am your mother..."

2) The fact that we both whimped out of having to paddle back to the original launch spot and then having to drag the yaks back up the beach.  Instead we landed somewhere nice and easy and I took a leasurely stroll to pick up the truck.

Good times hermano, good times.

Great report. I really enjoy reading ya'll exploits in the water. Very entertaining.

I might have saw you guys launch. Right after the other 2 divers returned, right? Was wondering why people were launching from the state beach parking lot, instead of the stairs....that explains it.
I was outside the kelp in open water. Thought about paddling through the kelp to say Hello. But that kelp sucks.

PK

You guys crack me up!

Once I recover from my marathon inuries I gotta get back out there.

-Brian G

Art, I guess I have to remind you again of the rules of (Free)Dive club...
1 - The first rule of (Free)Dive Club is, you do not talk about (Free)Dive Club.
2 - The second rule of (Free)Dive Club is, you DO NOT talk about (Free)Dive Club.

I wish you would learn to understand the stress of running a two member dive club and having to remind the members of the rules.

My bad...I keep thinking Rule#1 of Dive club is stay awake all night getting drunk at Dive bar then show up late...

1) The pilates lady who was swinging her light saber around (imagine the light saber sounds) and looks directly at you and says "Art, I am your mother..."

Damnit, pilates lady who was doing her best impression of Star Wars Kid got overshadowed by the dog.  Sorry Captain...I try not to leave anything out next time.

My bad...I keep thinking Rule#1 of Dive club is stay awake all night getting drunk at Dive bar then show up late...

Whoa there partner!, the dive club has adopted a "don't ask, don't tell policy".  What you do at the blue oyster is none of my business.

For the record, Angel does not support state parks so we did not pay for parking and he let the park restroom know exactly how he felt about the Salt point reserve.

This makes my day!  Mad props to you and Angel... 

Backcountry

Great story, sometimes I would think that my dive partner Joe and I were the only guys that had days like that - having been "blessed" in similar fashion, this tale made my day. You both must be getting ready for a truly off-the-chart epic day having paid dues like that . . . 

...the BLUE OYSTER!   that's a CLASSIC!  you guys are too much!
I wonder if the people working near me thinks I'm MAD!..when I laugh and talk to the computer?!   
like always, thanks for the funny read! 

  Great report and a really fun read!  Thanks.  One point though; making a mess in a state parks bathroom isn't going to get anything done in the political arena.  Parks bathrooms are cleaned by parks maintenance aids for $9.75 an hour.  I know, because I am one, and I'm totally against closing any parks to fishing, as are many of us.  To get a point across, feel free to talk with parks employees about your views.  It helps us to have input on things like that, to bring to meetings, where we all get our say.  Our supervisors really do listen to us (Mendocino Coast District).  Thanks again for the fun report.  Look forward to the next one.

 
Don't worry Matt. I think Art was making a funny. That particular state park doesn't charge a prkng fee (sorry to out you Art) and by "making a mess in the bathroom" I think he meant huge dump aka painting some porcelin LOL! 

 by "making a mess in the bathroom" I think he meant huge dump aka painting some porcelin LOL! 

I fully understood&read between-the-lines ....but, you added to it!

Hi Art:

        Too bad about your Dive. I would go to VanDamm for the low hanging Fruit. It's sooo easy to pop your limit a caveman could do it! I may need to buy back my Wet Suit from you if fishing doesn't improve.
                                                                             Sea-ya
                                                                             Ernie

Re: Making a mess the bathroom...

Just please don't do it at Van Damme, if you would be so kind...I clean and paint all the bathrooms and haul garbage, pick up doggy doo, broken glass,  mow lawns, fix leaky faucets, etc. there all summer.  If you see a skinny little guy with a smile and a friendly "hi" doing dirty jobs there (including helping catch "poochers") please say howdy.  I can go kayak diving after work at 4:30, weekends included.  Pop me an email if you plan to be there, and let me know what campsite you have reserved.  I'll drop by and say howdy.

Still, the bathroom thing IS funny!   Thanks for the laughs.  End of thread jack.  -Matt