alzheimer's

I'm looking for some advice.  My brother, who is 60 years old, was diagnosed with Alzeimer's almost 7 years ago.  Yea.  At age 53. 

The first 5 years, not so bad.  He was even able to stay working at his job until finally this year, they forced him to retire.  Now, not so good.  He is getting not only forgetful; stuff like he can't remember if he retired from the Air Force or the Navy,  (He served a career, then began a new career in the FAA where he recently was forced to retire.) but he's getting argumentative.  Even with his younger grandchildren.  An example; today my brother and his wife took their 6 year old granddaughter to the park before her soccer practice.  She fell on the swings and took a hit to the head.  Nothing serious, but enough to throw her off at practice later that afternoon.  My brother kept getting angry at her for not trying hard.  When reminded she took a fall at the park on the swing, he didn't remember that and accused his wife of making it up.  This happens all the time, as in at least every few days at least.  He goes to a day care 4 days a week, but he's finding it boring.  In fact, he's finding his whole life boring and that is contributing to his frustration. 

My brother and his wife live in Oklahoma.  I'm flying them out here to our place in a week or so for 10 days as a 'get-away' from their home situation. 

My brother was the 'cool guy' all his life.  He was an air traffic controller in the Air Force, worked after retiring from the military for the FAA until just recently, and a computer wiz.  Now he can't even play solitare and is afraid of computers.  He can't drive, after getting lost a couple times, and they had to sell his Mustang convertible.  He got me into racing motorcycles, heck I even followed in his footsteps into the AirForce.  He was accepted to Annapolis, but turned it down when he preferred the AF.  He was a 4 year varsity track star in HS and got other scholarships offered, not just Annapolis.

His wife is very depressed and at her wit's end with his aggitation with boredom after retirement.

I'm hoping there's someone around who has or is dealing with this sort of thing with a family member and can offer some advice. 

I plan to take him fishing, Yosemite, our old stomping grounds as we both grew up in this area, camping, to the ocean, etc.  My wife is going to take his wife to a day spa and other wimmen stuff that they do to unwind and decompress.  She tells me physically he is fine and will live many more years, which has here scared that this is the tip of the iceburg and how bad things are going to get. 

Sorry if it sounds like whining and complaining, I'm just wanting mainly to know if there's someone around who has been there and can offer any suggestions I can do and if there's more help for his wife. 

Social Security Disability has come through, the VA pays for all the daycare, his military pension and his FAA pension are slowly getting his checks in order, so money is not one of their problems, thank God.  They are far from rich, but won't have to worry about grocery shopping. 

Man, I feel so bad for him and for his wife.  It sucks for me, I can't fathom what it's like for them. 

Taking care of someone with Alzheimer's is very difficult. The caretaker will need lots of support. It will be emotionally draining. My grandmother suffered from it. One time I sat with her with my wife and kids. She was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said the police were going to arrest us for kidnapping the kids. She thought my kids were not mine. Seeing her cry and not able to help was very hard on me. Living with the emotional upset is extremely hard on the caretakers. Later after my grandfather passed she would ask for him. When reminded that he had passed, she reacted as though she had just heard her husband was dead for the first time. They had to start telling her that he was at the store and would be home soon. I can only imagine how difficult living day to day with it is. My sympathies are with you and your family.

Jerry, that sounds really, really tough---I can't imagine...

Sorry to hear.about your brother Jerry.  I don't have any personal experience or advice for you.  Those that I know who have gone through having relatives with alzheimers are unaminous in how difficult and draining it was.  Best wishes for you and your brother.

Hello Jerry, there are support groups for alzheimers care givers. My step father had alzheimers the last 6 years of his life.  My mom cared for him for the first 3 or 4, and he went to day care, then progressively into a full care facility.
For me it was hard to understand that things that I thought would bring joy (like traveling, or hiking) brought terror to him.  He was apparently happiest when he was in his room, where he knew the surroundings.  He did not like new experiences, changed schedules, changed routine.  Seems boring, but its when he was most calm.  Visiting him was fine, although you always wondered what he remembered of it.
Its very hard. Support groups help.
My sympathies,

Thanks bioman.  The things that seem to terrify him now are the familiar things he can't do any more, like go to work.  He frets and worries about what he's gonna do now that he can't go into the office. 
He's got just enough of his mind that he knows what's going on but can't do anything about it.  That would terrify me! 
Recently his wife sold the mustang convertible and bought some sort of SUV.  They pulled into the driveway with the new car and as his wife turned off the motor, he turned to her and said, "I'll never drive this car, will I?"  She broke down and sobbed. 

 

Sorry to hear this.  I've seen this stuff first hand with my Aunt & after her husband died (recently) we had to put her into an assisted living because we were just not equipped at home to take care of her; physically and mentally.  It does take a lot of effort to do so.  I commend you for doing what you can.  Looks like the field of medicine is making leaps & bounds daily but, sadly, it may not come in our lifetime.

Thanks for reaching out to the group and sharing your story.  Best wishes!

My greatest fear... Love while you can. Support those around him. Hang on for the ride. Write stories he tells down for his kids. Let him know you care. even if it has to be done every 5 min... My grandmother's last visit with us was a birthday party for one of my kids. Every time she saw the cake, she would act all surprised and ask "Is it your birthday! Happy birthday!" then after looking away would see it again and repeat. We passed the cake around and all got B-day wishes from her and then, she said "Ohhh, I'm doing something funny again." There was sadness in her voice for just that moment. She then saw the cake and asked...   He has got to be terrified, lost and angry. God bless you and your family thru this Journey.

I heard a great show  about  dementia ,segment of it, on 'This American Life' the other weekend while floating on the bay....it

A family struggling with bringing their loved one 'back to real time and reality' all day long -every day---learned to step instead into their world and play along--whatever the moment was mistaken as was their stage cue -and they stepped into the part and found a bit of momentary  peace and simpler interactions ...I could see the application in my dealings with people in my life in the future

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/532/magic-words?act=2#play

Sad stuff my mom has it bad. I have noticed people who get agitated and have it are really stressful to caretakers and family members.

I'm looking for some advice.  My brother, who is 60 years old, was diagnosed with Alzeimer's almost 7 years ago.  Yea.  At age 53. 

The first 5 years, not so bad.  He was even able to stay working at his job until finally this year, they forced him to retire.  Now, not so good.  He is getting not only forgetful; stuff like he can't remember if he retired from the Air Force or the Navy,  (He served a career, then began a new career in the FAA where he recently was forced to retire.) but he's getting argumentative.  Even with his younger grandchildren.  An example; today my brother and his wife took their 6 year old granddaughter to the park before her soccer practice.  She fell on the swings and took a hit to the head.  Nothing serious, but enough to throw her off at practice later that afternoon.  My brother kept getting angry at her for not trying hard.  When reminded she took a fall at the park on the swing, he didn't remember that and accused his wife of making it up.  This happens all the time, as in at least every few days at least.  He goes to a day care 4 days a week, but he's finding it boring.  In fact, he's finding his whole life boring and that is contributing to his frustration. 

My brother and his wife live in Oklahoma.  I'm flying them out here to our place in a week or so for 10 days as a 'get-away' from their home situation. 

My brother was the 'cool guy' all his life.  He was an air traffic controller in the Air Force, worked after retiring from the military for the FAA until just recently, and a computer wiz.  Now he can't even play solitare and is afraid of computers.  He can't drive, after getting lost a couple times, and they had to sell his Mustang convertible.  He got me into racing motorcycles, heck I even followed in his footsteps into the AirForce.  He was accepted to Annapolis, but turned it down when he preferred the AF.  He was a 4 year varsity track star in HS and got other scholarships offered, not just Annapolis.

His wife is very depressed and at her wit's end with his aggitation with boredom after retirement.

I'm hoping there's someone around who has or is dealing with this sort of thing with a family member and can offer some advice. 

I plan to take him fishing, Yosemite, our old stomping grounds as we both grew up in this area, camping, to the ocean, etc.  My wife is going to take his wife to a day spa and other wimmen stuff that they do to unwind and decompress.  She tells me physically he is fine and will live many more years, which has here scared that this is the tip of the iceburg and how bad things are going to get. 

Sorry if it sounds like whining and complaining, I'm just wanting mainly to know if there's someone around who has been there and can offer any suggestions I can do and if there's more help for his wife. 

Social Security Disability has come through, the VA pays for all the daycare, his military pension and his FAA pension are slowly getting his checks in order, so money is not one of their problems, thank God.  They are far from rich, but won't have to worry about grocery shopping. 

Man, I feel so bad for him and for his wife.  It sucks for me, I can't fathom what it's like for them.

I took care of my grandfather that had Alzeimers. It is very difficult on everyone but including the person that has to deal with day to day and wake up too. My grandfather many times had no idea who I was and TRIED to call the police on two occasions. We finally placed tons of pictures of me and him around his bedroom and house so he knew I was suppose to be there. I'm very sorry to your family and specifically your brother and wife. Good luck nothing wrong with getting things of your chest.

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Sorry to hear this.  My Aunt was recently diagnosed.  At her wishes, the family is trying to keep it hush hush even between relatives.  From what I've heard from my cousins is that she's opted to have some type of surgery (likely experimental) through Stanford that may slow her mental decline.  It might be something to look into.  She's at the very early stages, and it breaks my heart to see her get confused by simple things.  Prayers to your family for the road ahead.   

Yes Skipro, I wasn't going to bring that part up. But since its up... in the initial stages (about a year) my step father was very aware (and frustrated) about things he should be able to do, but could not. We used to play dominos, and one of the first things to go is ability to recognize abstract representations.. so he knew he should be able to identify dominoes, but it was something specifically he could not do.
This is the kind of insight I think you will get from a support group.. understanding the kinds of things that alzheimers does and doesn't allow. My mother's approach was pretty much to accept everything positively.  Listen to the same joke, laugh when you find the keys in the freezer, do your best to make it a fear-free, joyous environment.  Can't drive a race car any more? Oh well, get driven everywhere...Best wishes for you and your brother-

My grandmother lived with us when I was in high school And I was around her a lot when I was in my early twenties. For a few family members, it was rough, but I didn't have many problems. Fortunately for me, she didn't give me much trouble.

I took her out on long drives or took her fishing often. I knew what she enjoyed, and the outdoors was great. I'd hear the same stories over and over, or the same jokes. I would keep in mind what stories or jokes she liked as well, so I knew if her mood started to turn, I could usually out with the same joke or story she'd heard four times that day, and it would bring positivity back.

It's kind of like acting. It's just unscripted and you have to go with the flow. It's sad seeing people who are dealing with family that has Alzheimer's/dementia and getting mad or pissed off at the person who has it; you can't let it get to you. If they're having a bad moment, you need to keep an arsenal of what you can do to turn it. Unfortunately, when it gets too bad, there's nothing you can do; but while they're still functioning somewhat, it's not that bad.

My mother in-law is into the advanced stages, and it is a cruel and diabolical disease. In the early stages she was very volatile and physically abusive towards her husband and her caregivers. She was regularly frustrated and paranoid and was always trying to take off to the point that the sheriff's dept put a tracking device on her.
She is physically difficult to care for now but has resolved into a mostly peaceful state spending much of her time napping, smiling, listening to music, humming or quietly talking. With her mind going she lost the anger, fear and frustration that caused so much pain. Not sure if that is more depressing or hopeful but it has brought some kind of peace for my wife and her father.
It is hard and heartbreaking no way around it, but help and support are out there.
Positive thoughts and prayers to you and your family.