An 85 year old is out fishing...

...alone in his boat. He hears a thump on the deck and sees that a frog jumped in. To his amazement the frog speaks and says ".....If you kiss me, I will transform into a beautiful woman and be your bride.....". The fisherman is amazed and the frog repeats "....Kiss me  and I will transform into a beautiful woman.....". The old fisherman looks.....unbuttons and opens up his shirt pocket and starts to put the frog in. The frog exclaims "....didn't you hear me???? Kiss me and I transform into a beautiful lady!!!!". The old fisherman replies "....at my age I would prefer to have a talking frog....."

["borrowed" this joke from a fellow on Coastside]

heck at my age.. I would prefer a talking frog.. Id sell it an buy 20 beautiful women. and a lambo.

That was a good one, I can relate.

Here's another;

A Frog and the bank

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy an Eldorado and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"


(Are you ready???

(You're gonna hate me!)

The bank manager looks back at her and says:
"It's a knick-knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

I Zod Out

Thanks for both of those,

A fisherman and a frog I was sure he was going to use it as bait.  So wrong. 

A fisherman and a frog I was sure he was going to use it as bait.  So wrong.

Exactly what I was thinking...

While I'm at it, this one also made me chuckle (engineer...).

An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000.”

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “This is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.

Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”

Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.”
Doctor: “But this is $500…”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

A fisherman and a frog I was sure he was going to use it as bait.  So wrong.

Exactly what I was thinking...

Thank God I wasnt alone hahahahaha

Awesome!