The Top 10 Ways The Sport Would Be Different If Microsoft Built Kayaks

10. A particular model year of kayak wouldn't be available until AFTER that year, instead of before.

9. Every time you wanted to try a new paddle, you would have to buy a new kayak.

8. Occasionally your kayak would stop dead in the water for no apparent cause. No amount of paddling would budge it. You would have to tow it back to the launch site and restart your kayak. For some strange reason, you would simply just accept this.

7. Two people could not both paddle your kayak unless you paid extra for a '95 kayak or NT kayak in which case you would also have to buy an extra seat and expensive new charts.

6. A sophisticated marketing blitz would make you feel like a second-rate tasteless slacker for failing to upgrade your kayak. OOPS -- wait a minute -- that's ALREADY happening.

5. Sun Microsystem would make a kayak with 70% less hull drag, half the weight, watertight in all conditions and twice as stable. Unfortunately, it could be used on only 5% of the existing rivers.

4.Your Microsoft kayak's compass, weather radio, and sump pump would be replaced with a single "General Kayak Fault" warning light.

3. The enthusiast press would get people excited about the "new" features of Microsoft kayaks, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.

2. Microsoft's inconsiderable owners manual would spawn a whole cottage industry of outsiders who would write hundreds of books explaining how to paddle your Microsoft kayak. Amazingly, we would buy all they printed.

1. If you wanted to go kayaking in a group with your club members or friends (known as Network Kayaking). EVERYONE in the group will have BUY special group kayaking accessories however, only one member of the group (known as the kaysysop) would have the foggiest notion of exactly what they did and no one else would be permitted operate them.



The activist is not the man who says the river is dirty. The activist is the man who cleans up the river.

That is hilarious!

While we are bashing Microsoft, no reason we should not bash the Apple line up if they ever did make kayak.

1. Apple debuts its first kayak, but only paddles made by Apple work with it.

2.  Previos versions of Apple Kayaks and or paddles will not work with newer versions so you have to upgrade everything.

3. Apple comes out with an oversized tablet fish finder, its CEO says the smaller tablet fish finder is dead on arrival, and two years later mimics the compitition. Apple produces a smaller tablet fish finder that has less capacity then its non Apple fish finders and costs twice as much.

4.  Every Time Apple Launches a new Kayak, people have to wait for weeks outside the store to order it, only to find out a samsung unit already does everything the apple does.

5. The Apple Kayak will have every screw, every hatch,  perfectly molded to the boat, no other device can be mated to it.

6.  Apple Kayak employees start to commit suicide in China as working conditions  are horrific.

7.  The Apple Kayak, due to demand now costs $5999.99 in some countries

8.  The Apple Kayak is availble in any color as long as it is white.

9. In a fit of greed the Apple Board will vote its CEO out, and the company will fall of the charts.

10. The apple board brings back the CEO from the dead and the company now sells every matter matter of gadget for your Apple Kayak.

11.  Apple Kayaks will offer a Kayaking Genius Bar, however none of them have ever been on the water.

You forgot 11. Apple's highly anticipated new v5 kayak is released, promising much more deck space and faster paddling speed with many more improvements over the v4. Buyers quickly realized it was the same boat just 2ft longer and equipped with a larger paddle. Also, all previous model of paddles no longer work with the new v5 because of compatibility issues.

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Nice gotta love good humor



The activist is not the man who says the river is dirty. The activist is the man who cleans up the river.

Super funny and creative.  I like it.   Kinda sad but true as well.