Easy Ab Coctail

Here's an alternative to slathering your abs in deep fried batters, crumbs, cheese's and tartar sauces.

This batch was about 8-10 healthy sized portions.  I'm no Emeril so I don't have specs on exact heat and times, however, its pretty hard to screw it up. Nothing is written in stone so scaling it down, beefing it up, adding this or subtracting that without drastically changing the taste is easy.

3 cucumbers, 8 tomatoes, sprig of cilantro about the size of a tennis ball, 1 carrot. Optional: disected jalapeno (no seeds), for a batch this size I woulda used 1-1.5 chopped super fine.

I like a med/fine dice on the cucumbers, a coarse chop on the tomatoes, fine chop on the cilantro, and the carrot is just hit with a veggie peeler till there's nothing left.

Life would be so easy if I had a slap chop 




1.5 lbs of uncooked deveined shrimp. In a med sized pot on high heat, I like to get the water boiling then stir in some table salt (I usually eyeball it, but just under 1/4 cup sounds about right).  Boil usually dies down when you add shrimp, keep on high heat until it comes to full boil again, after full boil it takes about a minute or two to finish. Remove shrimp from pot and place somewhere else to cool off, do not rinse.  Skim the froth off the water in the shrimp pot and throw it back on a burner.  Peel shrimp and chop, in half usually works for me, I like em to be larger than the veggies.


Take your unpounded, clean, de-gooed ab and chop it into slices about as thick as a nickel.  This ab was previously frozen so it was loose as a goose and easy to work with, fresh out of the ocean abs might need to be hit with a jackhammer or run over by a car before slicing......you guys know the drill.


Once its all sliced you can trim and pound.  This is the critical part, use a flat mallet not a knurled one.  After pounding it should feel as soft as a 1/4 thick slice of ab you're gonna fry......except way thicker.  You can test it like this, find a fat guy with a muffin top and poke him in the side just like the pilsbury doughboy.....pretty soft right?, you're ab should feel just like that.....do not try this on a chick, she will pound you.  Do a test run, chop off a small piece and toss it in the boiling shrimp water for 1 minute and sample it.  Properly cooked it will have the consistency of a clam, over cooked and underpounded it'll feel like chewing on a steel belted radial tire, overpounded it will be kinda mushy but still edible .  Once you got the pounding squared you can dice and toss the rest of the batch in the boiling shrimp water.
   

When its done I add it to the bowl.  I also add 1 can of chopped clam pieces, clam juice goes in bowl also (very important not to use whole baby clams, when you chew the bursting baby clam guts have a weird taste to em and there's always sand and grit in them).  I also add in about a cup full of the shrimp/ab water then mix it all up. 

I usually have cut limes, lemons, cocktail sauce, chili and horseradish ready to go so the eater can prepare it to taste but the end product looks like this.



 

Probably the only recipe you will ever have that requires a nickel, a mallet and a fat guy.....enjoy.

You need to head north and make that for us at the potluck Saturday night - looks tasty, Art.  Nice one.   

Can't make it bro...extenuating circumstances.   

Can't make it bro...extenuating circumstances.   

Right on - next time, eh?  We'll toast you along with the rest of the unfortunate.   

(end of threadjack   )

Probably the only recipe you will ever have that requires a nickel, a mallet and a fat guy.....enjoy.

 

Looks good I might have to make it sometime. Thanks

Looks like a healthy recipe!  Thanks for sharing...

Looks amazingly delish!