clean hands

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course, and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house. As he passes through the swinging doors he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:


COLD BEER: $5.00
HAMBURGER: $8.00
CHEESEBURGER: $10.00
CHICKEN SANDWICH $12.50
HAND JOB: $25.00


Checking his wallet to be sure he has enough cash, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers .


She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile.

"May I help you sir?"
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?"
She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, "Yes sir, I sure am."

The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly,


"Well then, be sure to wash your hands real real good,

Because I want a cheeseburger

Lol. Didn’t end the way I thought it would. Nice twist

Now that put a smile on my face 
🤣

Where’s that golf course at???

great post...i want more of these!

great post...i want more of these!

That was a good one! Let's see more!

Here’ one told to me by an anesthesiologist many years ago.

A bear walks into a bar, sits down on a stool, slams his paw down, and says loudly “l want a beer!”  The barkeep looks at him and replies “sorry, we don’t serve bears alcohol in here” .  The bear again demands a beer and again is turned down by the barkeep.
Frustrated, the bear points to a frumpy looking woman sitting on a stool at the end of the bar and says “look, if you don’t get me a beer I’m going to go down there and eat that woman” to which the barkeep responds “I don’t care, eat her.  She comes in here every night, gets drunk, and causes trouble “.  The bear, thinking he is not being taken seriously, goes down to the end of the bar and makes short work of consuming the woman.  He comes back and slumps onto his stool.  The barkeep says “Look, you still ain’t getting a beer in this bar.  The bear says “That’s OK, suddenly I’m too groggy for a beer anyways.”  The barkeep says “Well, of course you are. It’s the “bar-bitch-you ate””

There is a sticky thread to put these in....

http://www.norcalkayakanglers.com/index.php?topic=4994.0

A doctor and intern walk the halls of a hospital

intern looks into a room and sees a nurse giving a hand job to a patient.

intern " doctor, whats wrong with this man".

doctor " he suffers from an accute testicular problem".

intern looks into the next room and sees a nurse going down on a patient.

intern " doc' whats this guys problem"?

doctor " same thing as the other guy just better health insurance. 

A doctor and intern walk the halls of a hospital

intern looks into a room and sees a nurse giving a hand job to a patient.

intern " doctor, whats wrong with this man".

doctor " he suffers from an accute testicular problem".

intern looks into the next room and sees a nurse going down on a patient.

intern " doc' whats this guys problem"?

doctor " same thing as the other guy just better health insurance. 

Hey Sloppy...
 

Scotty

(Ignoring link...)

Three very sketchy looking characters show up at the gates of heaven. Saint Peter looks them over and says, “I’m not too sure about you fellows getting in here. But you know, at Christmas we have a policy where if you can show something that says Christmas, maybe you can get in.”
The first guy takes out a lighter and flicks it on, holding it high and says “This is like a Christmas candle, symbolizing the Star of Bethlehem.”
Saint Peter says “Not bad! You’re in.”
The next guys takes out his keys and shakes them. “These are like the bells of the great cathedrals celebrating Christmas.”
Saint Peter goes “Erh, okay. I guess you can come in.”
The third guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pair of women’s pink lace panties.
Saint Peter looks confused. “What could that possibly have to do with Christmas?”
The guy holds them up and says “These, are Carol’s.”

Hey Scotty, that was the highly censored version.
And.... link also ignored. Lol

 a sailor returns to port after months at sea

 he goes to his favorite whore "rosie" and they go to her room

 the sailor starts humping away on her and suddenly stops, looks at her and asks...

"how am I doing?"

Rosie replies " 'bout three knots'. He shrugs and resumes humping.

the sailor finishes up and rolls off of her.

he asks, "wadda ya mean three knots?"

Rosie replies "well... yur not Hard, yur not In and yur not gettin' yer money back!
 

Thanks- I love a good laugh.. give me more,,,,,