drama at kid's school that may have escalated

Wait a sec.

Spinal tap-

Kids A, B and C are playing a game. Kid D comes up and asks to join. If A, B and C refuse then the school considers that bullying?

Is that right?

Pretty much, but not quite that black and white.  They can't refuse to allow D to join in to play.  If they do then they go to speak with an adult.  The adult will probably say that if they refuse to let D join then they can't play that game. 

I don't get the logic. It provides a mechanism for the unpopular kids to intentionally upset other kids who are playing a game. Some might consider that an act of bullying.

I can say with conviction that I'm glad I'm not a kid growing up today. It's not the same world I grew up in. I think kids today have it much tougher than I ever did. I shudder to imagine a teenage me with cell phone cameras instantly posting shenanigans to the world in perpetuity.

Wait a sec.

Spinal tap-

Kids A, B and C are playing a game. Kid D comes up and asks to join. If A, B and C refuse then the school considers that bullying?

Is that right?

Pretty much, but not quite that black and white.  They can't refuse to allow D to join in to play.  If they do then they go to speak with an adult.  The adult will probably say that if they refuse to let D join then they can't play that game.

No, its generally not that black and white at all. Many schools have adopted a "no exclusion/closed games policy" which provides guidance for school staff in the above situation where one/some student/s are being excluded from group activities or play. This undoubtedly varies from district to district of course(probably school to school even), but excluding a student from playing once rarely qualifies a child as a bully. If this is a chronic situation however, of if there are other incidents or circumstances this child had been involved in, that's when bullying comes into play. Its a shame that this discussion has to be had, but it is no longer like the old days - sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.

I just don't get some of what is practiced today with kids.  While I understand the desire to control bullying, the other side of this is that there is an important lesson that kids learn regarding figuring out how "enter play".  It's a "skill" to learn how to either overcome this and figure out how to be included, or to figure out that it isn't worth it, and to make a choice that they don't want/need to be included in this circumstance and seek out alternative situations in which to participate.  It's ok!

-Allen

I just don't get some of what is practiced today with kids.  While I understand the desire to control bullying, the other side of this is that there is an important lesson that kids learn regarding figuring out how "enter play".  It's a "skill" to learn how to either overcome this and figure out how to be included, or to figure out that it isn't worth it, and to make a choice that they don't want/need to be included in this circumstance and seek out alternative situations in which to participate.  It's ok!

-Allen

Very well said, Allen. Its a very fine, very grey line. On one hand, we have this notion of an ideal world where everyone gets to play and we all get along perfectly. In practice however, we come to understand that we don't all have to be friends. In many ways, as you said, compensation has been made such that coping and conflict resolution skills are now dictated, rather than truly acquired (if that makes any sense). Definitely a balancing act.

The major concern here is the grandma has escalated the drama by seemingly physically attacking children.  The conflict between the kids has been social. 

Sounds like granny is the bully, break her hip.

The major concern here is the grandma has escalated the drama by seemingly physically attacking children.  The conflict between the kids has been social. 

Sounds like granny is the bully, break her hip.

Granny is probably < 45 years old.