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2017 AOTY/DOTY Entry

Topic: FUNNY STUFF......  (Read 257970 times)

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Usagi

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Subject: Pharmacy 101
 
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
 
For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of
Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call
Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
 
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful
consideration b y a team of government experts, it recently announced that
it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
 
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and
of course, Ibepokin.
 
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable
for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour
himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and
it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a
good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by
the name of: MOUNT & DO.
 
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge
erections...and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
You don't quit playing because you get old, you get old because you quit playing...


Big J

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Subject: Pharmacy 101

You're killing me! I laughed till tears were running down my face! Whatever it takes, fellas!

Janice aka "Big J"
2007 Kayak Connection Father's Day Freshwater Derby Champion, Women's Division

Time and trouble will tame an advanced young woman, but an advanced old woman is uncontrollable by any earthly force.


ZeeHawk

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I like Big J was on the floor laughing. Classic Usagi!!

Z


mickfish

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When your memory fades everytime is like the first time  :smt119 :smt120
Group IQ is inversely proportional to the size of the group.

A Steelhead always knows where he is going, but a Man seldom does.


mooch

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Subject: FW: Cussing in Church




A Crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the
 secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."


 The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have
 misunderstood you. What did you say?"


 "Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"


 "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in
  this church."


 The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to
   inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not
  have to listen to that foul language.


 They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer,
  "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"


 "There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million
  bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of
 some of this damn money. "


 "I see," said the pastor. "And is this bitch giving you a hard time?"


Fish Flogger

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Oldy but a goodie Mooch!!! Cracked my boss up to no end  :smt044

Thanks

FF
-FF


creecrop

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Post #1
A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Tennessee recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin' a cove well-known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, sir", replied the redneck. "I ain't got none of them there licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that."

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works."

"O. K.", said the warden. "I've got to see this!"

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the warden says, "Well?"

"Well, what?", says the redneck.

The warden says, "When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH", replied the warden!

"What fish?", replied the redneck.

Moral of the story:
Tennessee rednecks may not be as smart as some city slickers, but they ain't as dumb as some government employees!~
 
 
 
     


creecrop

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Out Fishing

George and his dad were out fishing one day when George pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches he asked his dad for a light.
"Sure," said his dad. "I think I have a lighter." Then, reaching into his tackle box he pulled out a Bic lighter 10-inches long.

"Jimminy Cricket!" exclaimed George, taking the huge Big lighter in his hands. "Where did you get that monster?" he asked.
"Well," replied his dad, "I got it from my Genie."
"You have a Genie in your tackel box?" asked George.
"Yep, it's right here in my tackle box," said his dad.
"Could I see him?" asked George.

So his dad opened his tackle box and, sure enough, out pops the Genie.
Addressing the Genie, George says, "I'm the son of your master, will you grant me one wish?"
"Yes, I will," says the Genie.
So George asks for a million bucks.
The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving George sitting there, waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks flying overhead.
Over the roar of the million ducks George yells to his dad, "Jumpin' Jimminy! I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

"I forgot to tell you that the Genie is hard of hearing," yells back George's dad. "You don't think I really asked for a 10-inch Bic, do you?"




PISCEAN

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"You don't think I really asked for a 10-inch Bic, do you?"

 :smt044 :smt044 :smt044
pronounced "Pie-see-in"
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Cen Coast

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This doesn't really have anything to do with fishing, at all. But it is hilarious nonetheless. Somebody sent this to me at work.
It is a music-video tribute to the great Wang Wang, an oldskool Phillipino movie actor. He was kinda like James Bond, only shorter, and pinoy.
At first, I thought it was just plain weird...but now its stuck in my head!
Enjoy,
PK

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/2620

"wang wang wang wang...2 foot 9...he'll kick you in the nutsack from behind!"
Photobucket Sucks!

 Team A-Hulls

~old enough to know better, young enough to not care~


Usagi

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I'm glad that Mooch doesn't have to see this:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21438679&GT1=10450 :smt001

Old rule: Always try to wow him in the sack  What??? Old Rule???

That does it...I'm burning any copies of Cosmo that get within 10 feet of my wife...
You don't quit playing because you get old, you get old because you quit playing...


ZeeHawk

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The Finns do YMCA... funny Euroness
http://www.glumbert.com/media/finnishymca










The Guinness guys would call this BRILLIANT!!

« Last Edit: October 30, 2007, 09:14:08 AM by Zeelander »


Usagi

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Top 10 Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex:

    * You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
    * If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
    * The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
    * You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
    * It's OK when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
    * Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
    * If you don't like what you get you can always go next door.
    * It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
    * Less guilt the morning after.
    * #1: YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!!!


A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm the Devil!" she responded.

"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."



A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed,wondering what explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a great time!"


Happy Halloween!
You don't quit playing because you get old, you get old because you quit playing...


HobieSport

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 :smt006 Hope everyone has a good Halloween/ Day of the Dead, etc..

I am in shock and awe.

I think we should go fishing.

This is an old joke:

The brave and handsome captain strolled the deck of his mighty man-o-war.   Suddenly a cry came from the crows' nest:  "Enemy sighted Sir!".   "How many?" asked the Captain.  "One Sir!".   The Captain turned to his trusty Steward.   "Fetch me my red shirt".   The battle ensued and the Captain and crew were victorious.   

When things were calm and shipshape again the steward asked "Why the red shirt, Sir?"  "Because if I get wounded, the blood won't show, and it won't dampen the crews' fighting spirit".   The Steward looked at the Captain with deep respect.

Suddenly a second cry came:  "Enemy sighted!"   "How many?"   "Seventeen Sir!"
The Captain turned to his faithful Steward and said in a low tone:
"Steward...fetch me my brown pants."
« Last Edit: November 02, 2007, 09:19:44 AM by HobieSport »


Usagi

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Wal-Mart Greeter

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.


The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.  Nice children you have there. Are they twins"?


The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain't."

"The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"?


"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice." "Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."
You don't quit playing because you get old, you get old because you quit playing...