FUNNY STUFF......

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately
      Spotted a large, beautiful  parrot..
      There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

      "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

      The owner looked at her and said,
      "Look, I should tell you first that this bird
      used to live in a house of Prostitution
      And sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

      The woman thought about this, but decided
      She had to have the bird any way.

      She took it home and hung the bird's cage up
      in her living room and waited for it to say something..

      The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,

      "New house, new madam."

      The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,
      but then thought "that's really not so bad."

      When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school
      The bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

      The girls and the woman were a bit  offended
      but then began to laugh about the situation,
      considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

      Moments later, the woman's husband Keith
      came home from work.

      The bird looked at him and said,

      "Hi, Keith!"

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting
ready
for his annual trip; however, there were problems everywhere. Four of
his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as
fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure
of
being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was
coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and that two had jumped the fence and were out,
heavens knows where. More stress. Then he began to load the sleigh,
one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground,
scattering
the toys everywhere.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a
shot
of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves
had hid the liquor. In is frustration, he accidentally dropped the
coffee pot, which broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the
kitchen floor. He went to get the broom only to find that mice had
eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang. Santa cussed on his way to the door.
Opening the door, he saw a little angel with a great big Christmas
tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa! isn't
it
just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a
lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
Tree.

Not sure if this really s/b in the Funny Thread because some people will not think its funny. But that dog is friggin crazy to attack a shark and drag it up onto the shore!
PK

Seasonal humor... 

This isn't really funny but damn, it was so amazing I had to post it.

Z

Very cool Z....I'm a big fan of Transformers   

hehehe...

Go, Santa! GO! Here's something to put a smile on your face (be sure to have the sound on):



Merry Christmas and all the best to you in the new year!

Janice aka "Big J"

  At the end of the year, as I turn to the last pages of our local 2007 tidebook, I come across this (and I do not mean to offend or demean anyone involved in actual protection of the public good; this is purely HUMOR): 
 
I quote:

“America’s Waterway Watch; Help Keep America’s Waterways Safe:

Be aware of suspicious activity.   The types of activities that may be considered suspicious include:
1. People appearing to be engaged in surveillance of any kind (note taking, shooting videos/photos,  making sketches or asking questions.)
2. Unattended vessels or vehicles in unusual locations
3. Unusual diving activity
4. Unusual night operations
5. Recovering or tossing items into/onto the waterway or shoreline
6. Fishing/hunting in locations not typically used for those activities”

I hardly know were to begin to comment on these bright little gems of wisdom:
1. “People appearing to be engaged in surveillance of any kind...”  As that could be interpreted as anyone with their eyes open, and since I refuse to operate a boat with my eyes closed, I confess I am guilty of that one.
2. “Unattended vessels...vehicles in unusual locations”  Well, I don’t leave our boats unattended, but do leave vehicles in unusual locations, I guess I’m guilty there too.
3. “Unusual diving activity”  Whenever possible.  Guilty again.
4. “Unusual night operations”  Opening of crab season.   Abking?
5. “Recovering/tossing items”  Crab pots, cray traps, and suspicious looking fishing lures?
6. “Fishing...in locations not typically used...”  Precisely why we use kayaks.

So, my question is; Should we turn ourselves in as a group or just take the fall individually according to our conscience?   I can just imagine the frightening international headlines and articles now:

MASSIVE SPY RING UNCOVERED ON THE WEST COAST
In a shocking new development a large and well organized group of over 1,200 members fitting the descriptions of suspicious boating activities, reaching from California to Seattle to Hawaii, with other like-minded contacts around the globe, was uncovered by our highly trained and paid intelligence agents, headed by Chief Inspector Snodgrass of the A.I.O.W.T.D. (Another Innefective Organization to Waste Taxpayer Dollars)

“They all kept in touch on the internet” said Snodgrass, “and would arrange meetings in obscure and hidden waterways to perform their nefarious activities.   How this could happen right under our noses just goes to show how little prepared we are as a people for this kind of thing and how we must step up our efforts and tax dollars in battling such dangerous organizations.  The people of this great country and small cute kittens will never be safe until we do so.”

Leaders of the spy ring, who enticed naive new members with the motto “Welcome to the Madness” and who had cleverly disguised themselves as normal looking working folk with normal families and friends, where rounded up and detained in an undisclosed location to be questioned with water torture.  However, the water seemed to have very little effect, as somehow they had developed a resistance.  Said a neighbor: “and they all seemed like such nice normal people...”

I could go on but I think we get my point.   Happy New Year to All and we’ll see you on the water.   We're cruising up the Noyo River on this fine sunny New Year's Morn for some more of that fine suspicious activity...

Cheers,  -Matt; Evil Spy in Training 

funny stuff Matt 

...it takes balls to say what you feel

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking....
Scared the crap out of me.
So that's it!
After today, no more reading.

 

Estate Planning

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
 family business.
 
 When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father
 died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
 
 One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he
 had ever seen.  Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like
 just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father
 will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
 
 Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she
 became his stepmother.
 
 Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

Now this is an adult couch.. 
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/540076210.html